Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Puzzle Pieces

As thrift store shopping addictions go, sometimes you buy a lemon and there's nothing you can do about it. I recently bought a puzzle that was missing one piece. I also bought a puzzle that was really cheap and doesn't fit together well. I was thinking to myself, surely there's a way I can re-purpose these puzzles so they don't go to waste... enter Google.

If you'll have a look at the pictures below, you'll see that people have some very creative ideas for what to do with old puzzles. Magnets, pins, and even completely altered puzzles have been the top crafts that I've seen, as well as some other kichey kids crafts.



Too cool! I like to think I'm creative, but I'm not definitely not this artistic! I've got most of the supplies that I would need on hand already, but wow, do I have the time and skill to make mine look as good as these?

Depending on what you want to make, you find a few puzzle pieces with a naturally pleasing design, or you can paint it or use newspaper, gift wrap, or scrapbooking paper to cover the puzzle pieces. If you cover with paper, you must file the edges with an emery board to tidy it up.

Next, you let your imagination run wild and add embellishments which seem to range from a variety of notions, hardware supplies, and even hand drawn art. Finally, you attach a pin at the back, or a magnet. Totally amazing! What a really neat homemade gift.

I'm going to give it my best shot because at the very least I'll have fun doing it. I may have to pick up a better, faster drying glue though. If you never hear another word about it, it's because they turned out really hokey and I don't want to embarrass myself by posting pictures of crafts that look like a grade school student made.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Comback Birthday

The 27th was my 26th birthday. It was a pretty good birthday.

Friday I kicked things off by having a party with my daycare kids. We had balloons, glow sticks, blowouts, and at lunch we had homemade pizza buns, brownies, and homemade orange crush. My dad came to visit and drop off a gift. I even got a gift from 2 of my daycare kids. It was very sweet!

At 11pm I was going to get ready for bed when my sister invites me drinking. I felt like such an old lady, "but it's 11 at night!!" Bob encouraged me to go, and I'm glad I did. We went to Tavern United and spent the majority of our time there talking to a drunk man who randomly asked to sit with us and then trying to get him to leave.

I even pulled out my camera and started talking about my baby, showing pictures, and going on about my family and my husband. He still didn't leave. He was fun to talk to though and we had many laughs at his expense. His friends at the table beside were laughing at him too because they knew we were messing with him.

On the way home Ashley's car started making a weird flapping noise when we pulled onto Bishop Grandin from the Pembina overpass. I told her it must be a belt broken or loose or something. The noise was getting louder and then the car ride started to get all bumpy. I ask if she was stalling because she drives a standard and she said no, she didn't know what was going on.

She tries to pull over, but she's in the turn off lane to St Mary's Rd, so we keep going. Then she turns into a transit loop and I tell her to keep going because we can't be there. Then she finally turns into a parking lot and pops the hood. I get out after her and gasp in drunken horror. Her tire is fucking shredded. We had been driving on her rim!

She called CAA to come put her donut on and I called Bob to come and get me. Poor guy was sleeping and he had to wake up Tesla to come get me. Everyone got to sleep in Saturday morning, so that was nice.

Saturday was my big get together of friends. I ordered a large lemon chiffon cake from Baked Expectations and it was so yummy. We all hung out at my mom's place and then met up at The Grove. There was a bit of misunderstanding. We had a table of 10 in the pub, but Bob and I couldn't join them because Tesla's not 18. I was rather concerned about her getting wild ideas in her head about participating in under-aged drinking and driving, so the 30 minute wait for a new table in the restaurant was worth it. The food was okay. I had roast beef, mashed potatoes, veggies and a yorkshire pudding. The pudding was burnt and the beef was too rare. Definitely not worth $24! Bob had a burger and fries and he said he didn't really enjoy it which was strange. He later got food poisoning....

After The Grove we had sangria and fortune cookies at my friend's house who's birthday is 2 days after mine. Tesla would not sleep. She missed her nap when we were at my mom's and she was so overtired. It think it was after 10 pm by the time the poor thing went to sleep. We ended up leaving at midnight.

Sunday, I left Bob at home to rest up and Tesla and I had lunch and my infamous birthday trifle at my mom's. I received some lovely gifts from my family and a wad of cash too. I've already spent the majority of it online, purchasing my first ever GPS unit for geocaching this summer. It's a Magellan eXplorist GC. I did my research and even though I could have afforded a fancier unit, this unit seems to fit my current needs and it got decent reviews. It should be here in a week!

Next Sunday I'm celebrating for the last time with Bob's family. Then I should be done until next year.

This was the year of the Comeback Birthday, (since last year was the birthday from Hades.) I had a wonderful time and 26 feels pretty damn good!

Shout-Out to Tesla Fans - I finally updated her YouTube account! Click to see a bunch of new videos.

Thursday, April 25, 2013


Let it be known that on the 25th of April, Tesla crawled 2 steps. It looked very awkward and creepy like Tool's music video for Schism, but none the less she crawled!!! For pretty much the entire month, she's been working on getting into the correct position and getting stronger at holding herself up. Just this past week she's been really trying hard, getting into position and rocking. I just wanted to scream at her, YOU ARE SO CLOSE!!!

And of course when I praise her while she's in the act, she turns to look at me, beaming, and falls over. If she started crawling on my actual birthday on Saturday, that would be the best gift ever! Oh, and a thousand dollars would also be the best gift ever lol.

My little baby's almost 8 months old. Her wardrobe needed to be refreshed again, so I picked out the too-small clothes and brought in all her cute new ones. So many clothes, so little time. I wish I had that problem! I don't exactly get dressed anymore...

Yesterday Bob looked at me eating my supper, slouched on the couch and he laughed at me and told me I was really attractive looking. I hadn't showered and I was wearing grey sweat pants with baby spit up on them, and a brown Neil Young shirt. Of all the perks of working at home, I think I abuse the casual dress code most often.

Why should I get dressed up in nice clothes and do my hair and make-up, just so I can get puked on, and have dirty hands touch me with food and paint and slobber, all for less than 30 minutes face time with parents? Nobody really cares what I look like, and I don't really care what I look like. If the daycare was my garden, my sweat pants are my gardening gloves.

I know I could look better. I'm a stay at home mom, not a stay at home slob. At least I gussy myself up when I leave the house with Bob and Tesla.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Actually Deleting Facebook

Back at the beginning of March I wanted to get rid of Facebook. I thought I deleted my account, but it turns out I just deactivated it. I found out when I followed a link and it asked me to sign in to my Facebook account and had my email address there. Impossible! I deleted it! So I tried to log in and sure enough I get this nice welcome back message. Facebook was on standby this whole time, arms wide open, just waiting to hug me upon my return.

It was depressing clicking on stuff on Facebook. People were living their lives and I was witnessing all the stuff I'd missed out on; all the get-togethers I wasn't invited to and all the daily random thoughts that have no impact on my life and don't enrich me in any way after reading them.

Being away for so long, you'd think there would be more to catch up on, but sadly there wasn't. I was bored in 3 minutes. I checked out some pictures and looked up a few friends. I creeped on the people I am no longer in regular contact with. Meh.

It's gets lonely and boring being stuck inside the house day after day. (Yes, bad enough to warrant exercising as a family at Rona's.) Facebook used to be this link to the outside world. It was a way to reach out and connect with someone. It wasn't always instantly gratifying. Sometimes it felt more like fishing. You put yourself out there and then wait around hoping someone responds.

The problem was that I never felt I was connecting with anyone. It felt more like I was witnessing other people's lives from the sidelines. Nobody told me anything. I had to go and read it. Nobody personally invited me anywhere. I had to go and follow a link.

Having left Facebook for nearly 2 months and then returning for a spell, I think I'm making the right decision to permanently delete my account forever. I didn't miss it then and I certainly don't miss it now. This experience has affirmed my feelings. I still hear from my friends. I still leave the house and visit with people. In fact, I would say I see certain friends more regularly now because we aren't passively reading each others statuses and then doing nothing to catch up because we already caught on Facebook.

See you all in real life!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Run To Rona

...Or in our case, drive to Rona and walk around with no intention of buying anything for half an hour.

Everyone is always suggesting to everyone else to take a walk. You can't just jump up and take a walk when you have a baby. You have to time things. Will she get hungry on the journey? What's the weather like? You have to get the damn stroller ready and diaper bag ready. It's way more work than what's it worth usually.

I really wanted to go for a family walk today. The problem is that it is too cold and too windy and there are too many puddles. Dragging the stroller down the stairs is annoying. Bundling Tesla up is impossible because she just kicks off her blankets and she would get way too bored having to sit in a reclined position with the weather shield over her, not able to see a thing. Going for a walk just doesn't work right now.

We needed a place to go that was big and cost nothing. The mall was out. It's too crowded and I would buy something. Superstore, Walmart, and any large discount stores were out. I would find something to buy and the aisles are too narrow.

I said to Bob, it needs to be somewhere spacious where I would never buy anything. Rona!

Tesla had just woken up from a nap and eaten. We didn't even pack a diaper bag, we just threw her in the car-seat and drove on over. It was the perfect place to walk around; It's a temperature controlled environment, the aisles are long and wide, there's not a lot of people, tons for Tesla to look at while sitting up in the shopping cart, and there wasn't a single thing I wanted to buy!

We were there for a total of 45 minutes approximately. We started at the garden section on one side and briskly made our way through each and every aisle until we got the other end of the store, pausing only a few times to look at something interesting. It was fun and I would do it again, but it would be more fun to go to a park!

Being active is hard when the weather sucks and there's no room for spontaneity. In 2 to 3 months the weather will be nicer, Tesla will be older, more mobile, and it will be a lost easier. I don't actually know if that's true, but I'm just saying that to make myself feel better. If walking around Rona's garden section pretending I'm outside is what I have to do from now on, so be it. It's better than nothing, right?

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Standing Invitations

The problem with standing invitations is that for the most part, they don't work the way people intend them to. It's a really lazy way to try to keep in touch with someone. When some says I can come over for dinner any time I want, to me it feels like they are saying, I want to see you again, but I don't want to call you and invite you over and set it all up. I also don't want to leave my house. By giving someone a standing invitation, you are putting the onus on them, forcing them to do all the work.

I think it would be weird to call someone up and say, "Hey can I come over for dinner tonight? You said I could whenever I wanted." People don't usually invite themselves over like that because it's rude.

People always give standing invitations to those who are sick or grieving. Call me if you need anything. If you ever need help, let me know. It's all so vague and the gesture is nice, but how many actually cash in on it and pick up the phone? Not many. They're all too busy being sick or sad and don't want to be a burden on anyone else.

I was reading an article about how to help a grieving friend. It said that instead of asking your friend to call if they want help around the house, you should just show up and do it. Just show up and mow the lawn or mop the floors or whatever needs to get done because a person in morning is not going to ask you to do it for them no matter how much they may want to.

Sometimes standing invitations are appropriate though. For example:
"Call me if you're ever in town and need a place to stay."
That makes sense. How would I know when you're in town unless you told me?
"Call me if you ever need a babysitter, a designated driver, or a handyman."
I'm not going to call you every week asking if you need my services, so these standing invitations are appropriate.
"If you ever need to borrow my tools, my car, my cottage, my tennis racket, whatever, just call."
Again, I'm not going to offer these things to you every day and keep checking in if want to borrow them or not. One invitation is enough.

But when it comes to social things like visiting, dinners, coffee, and hanging out, a standing invitation is really passive. What ends up happening is nobody calls anybody and too much time elapses between visits.

Then you've got one party who's upset because their standing invitation is backfiring and they haven't heard from their friend, but they don't want to call because they've already "invited" them over once. Meanwhile, the friend has forgotten about the standing invitation because it wasn't a real invitation and has gotten caught up with life and other things.

Finally the friend decides to call, but doesn't invite himself over for dinner. Due to the standing invitation, the other party doesn't offer another invite thinking their friend doesn't want to have dinner, otherwise they would have asked.

More time elapses. Finally the friend calls again mentioning they should all get together because it's been a while. Come on over! We thought you'd never ask!. A lovely time is had by all and at the end of the evening those dreaded words are uttered again, "Call us the next time you want to have dinner. Come over anytime!"

Nobody every learns. I would much rather someone call me and ask me if I was free to come over for dinner on Sunday. I don't want to call someone to see if they're free for me to come over there for dinner one Sunday. If I'm going to call someone about dinner, it will be to invite them over to my place for dinner because that's more polite.

That's my rant. Don't give people standing invitations to have dinner at your house.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Old Age

Without your health you have nothing.

My dad says that all the time. In the past he hasn't always taken his health seriously, smoking, drinking quite a bit and snacking a lot, but he's always enjoyed weight lifting, bike riding, and hiking. As a retired person, he walks and rides his bike. He watches what he eats and makes healthy decisions for himself.

But there's one decision he's not making and it's getting me worried. He won't go see a doctor for a check up.

He's got some alarming symptoms. He feels tired and weak all the time, and sometimes feels short of breath. He once complained of having chest pains after exercising. He's developed a tremor in his hand which is making it hard for him to do fine motor tasks. He's lost his appetite. His stomach is growling and he tries to eat, but after just a few bites he doesn't want it anymore. He's lost 50 pounds since February without trying. He said his memory is going.

His diabetic neighbour tested his blood sugar after eating lunch and it was normal. He thought he might have diabetes. Now that that's ruled out, he thinks he may have Parkinson's disease or cancer. But he also thinks he might just have a virus and it's nothing.

The problem is, this has been going on for a couple of months now. Either way, he should see a doctor! I think he might be afraid of dying and as long as no on confirms it, he doesn't have to face it. It's scary to think about for sure, but personally I would rather know the truth sooner than later. I would want to fight it head on rather than passively let the disease eat away at me without me even knowing what's going on.

He talks of taking a trip to Montana this summer. He talks of watching his granddaughter graduate from high school. He talks of living to be at least 100. I know my dad is going to die someday, but I sort of like to believe he'll live to be 100. Does he have 34 more years left in him? Not if he doesn't see a damn doctor!

I feel very emotional about it all. When he came and visited yesterday and told me he still hasn't gotten checked out, I just wanted to slap him and ask him if he was losing his mind. I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do to help him. I hate waiting for an answer. I hate worrying about him.

Maybe it is nothing but old age. I so badly want this to blow over and all be nothing. If it is something serious though, my life is going to change. Someone's going to have to take care of him and I'm the only one around to do it. Some time to prepare would be nice.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Review: Casa De Mi Padre

I watch American Netflix, so this title may not be available to all of you, however, if you can get your hands on it, watch it! Last night Bob and I were scrolling through the movies looking for something good. Some Mexican cowboy looking picture comes up and it's a Will Ferrel movie called Casa De Mi Padre. Bob looked eager to check it out and I agreed. Don't worry, no spoilers!

The movie is set in present day Mexico. Will Ferrel is a ranchero named Armando Alvarez and lives a humble life with his father, though their relationship is strained. They're falling on hard times and his father is very worried. One day his rich, hot shot brother, Raul, returns to Mexico from the US to save the family farm and to introduce his family to his super hot fiance, Sonia. Amando is suspicious of his brother's fiance and doesn't trust her motives. He thinks she's just after his brother's money. As it turns out, Raul is really a drug lord and is at war with another more powerful drug lord who is after turf and Sonia.

Will Ferrel produced this movie and I feel like everything he touches is gold. He's a genius. I think his acting is incredible and he's a lot funnier than most people give him credit for. At first I thought this movie was going to be some sort of Nacho Libre type film where everyone speaks English in horrible Spanish accents, but that was not the case. For this movie Ferrel spent a month working with a dialect coach learning Spanish. The entire is movie is in Spanish with subtitles. They're not good subtitles either. Everything's worded just a little bit off as though they directly translated the Spanish to English and it's rather amusing.

The greatest thing about this movie is the production value. There isn't any. The sets are laughable and poorly painted. They use obvious mannequins and dummies as well as really terrible animatronics. A lot of people get shot in this movie and the gore is exaggerated to the point of hilarity. There are tons of "goofs" where scenes don't cut right together and the continuity is disrupted.

Everyone's acting is spot on without going over board. There's all these little character quirks and subtleties that make me want to watch this movie over again just to make sure I didn't miss any the first time around since I was mostly staring at the subtitles. Everything about this movie was deliberately delightful without it being too Tommy Wiseau.

Some reviewers felt the movie was too long and tried to do too much. I disagree completely. I got sucked into this movie big time and I think this was one of Will Ferrel's best movies. He has a lot of great movies, so it's hard to rank it exactly, but it's up there. One of my favourite movies of all time is Napolean Dynamite, so hopefully that gives you a reference as to what sort of move this is.

Easily 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Running Errands

Bob and I ran a few errands yesterday. We entered IKEA for the first time to spend a gift card I received at Christmas. That place is set up like an airport. We got some shelves to hold my daycare stuff on, as well as a wooden train tracks set with magnetic trains and one of those roll up mats to drive mini cars on. IKEA is totally obnoxious and I will not be going back any time soon. It was difficult to navigate and it felt like we were walking forever.

After we got out we went and ordered my birthday cake from Baked Expectations. It's a Lemon Chiffon cake oh la la!

Then we went to Perkins to eat. We didn't have Tesla's travel high chair with us so we had to use one of Perkins' booster seats. Surprisingly, Tesla sat very well despite the chair having little back support and no safety straps. She did cute things like try to eat the table and read the menu upside down. We don't go out to eat in a restaurant often, but the waitress remembered our baby from the last time we were there lol and we overheard her tell someone she thought our baby was the cutest thing ever. Yay genetics!

At one point near the end of our stay, I was holding her steady while she sat on the edge of the table facing me. It all happened so fast, so I can't speak to exactly how it all went down, but essentially Tesla took a nose dive right into the booth and hit her head on the booster seat.

She screamed her head off like I have never heard her scream before. I said, Oh shit, and I quickly scooped her up and tried to comfort her, but I was killing myself laughing. It was so funny. There wasn't many people around us, so I don't think anyone really saw what happened, but Bob just hung his head and shook it as if to say he disapproved of me as mother in that moment and sort of tried not to laugh.

I reassured Tesla I was sorry and I wasn't trying to kill her. We're cool now.

Finally we stopped off at Canadian Tire where I bought a couple bins with lids to store daycare stuff in. The person ahead of me at the self check out left his 5 cents Canadian Tire money and I got to keep it. Sweet!

Bob put up the shelves and I filled them up. They look fantastic. I actually wouldn't mind getting some more but it's hard to say where I'd put them.

It was a good day running errands and the weather was nice. I look forward to our next outing.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Mother Who Regretted Having Kids

Maybe it's because I'm off living in Ma-Ma Land, but I keep seeing references to this article a woman wrote about how she regrets having children and how they're the biggest mistake of her life. You can read the original article by Isabella Dutton here at the Mail Online.

Obviously making such a bold statement is going to draw a crowd and evoke some powerful emotions, so here's my two cents.

To fully understand, you need to read Dutton's article, so just go and do that now if you haven't click on the link already. Some people are calling her selfish and some people are calling her brave. I think Dutton is neither, (though it does take guts to publish an article like that!)

After reading the article I thought, here is a woman who has never stood up for herself. Here is a woman who has never followed her dreams and who has never done anything in her life to make herself happy. For some reason this woman felt the need to sacrifice her life for other people's lives and now 3 decades later she's finally speaking up. Too little too late lady.

You can't devote your life to your family and then at the end complain about how you never got to do the things you always wanted to do. You can't complain about how other people influenced your life choices so much so that you felt you had no choices. The only person holding a gun to Isabella Dutton's head was Dutton herself.

I love children and I love my daughter. She brings me joy and spending time with her is fun for me. My daycare kids are my other little side family. They make me laugh and taking care of them is a labor of love as well. Kids are also frustratingly, obnoxious bugs who drive me barking mad and make me want to squish them, but I do love them and I'm glad they're here on Earth. I would never trade them in for a quiet day at the seaside, or a peaceful stroll through a park.

Children are not for everyone. I deeply respect people who say they don't want children and follow through with it because they are making the best choice for them and the world. To say you don't want children and then marry a man who does and give him children to make him happy is outrageous! Don't marry someone who has different life goals from you!

Dutton's life was compromised, not by her children, but by her own decisions. She has every right to talk about it, write about it, and share her story so maybe some other self-pitying woman doesn't make the same mistakes as her, but at what cost to her children? They are people with feelings and a life to lead too. Though I'm sure it's never been a secret how Dutton truly feels about her children. She claims they never noticed her coolness toward them, but children are like spiders and definitely noticed over the years due to their child-like spidey-senses.

Even in her golden years, Dutton cares for her adult daughter with MS. This lady can't catch a break and she still isn't doing anything to empower herself. I'm so glad I'm opinionated and headstrong and determined to create my own destiny. When I encounter problems in my life I seek ways to solve or eliminate those problems instead of finding ways to work around them. There's a time to fight and a time to bow down. When making a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life you need to fight for what you believe in. Your best advocate is yourself.

Monday, April 8, 2013

My Family Narrative

I was reading The Family Stories That Bind Us on The New York Time website. It's a very interesting article about how the single most important thing you can do for your family is develop a strong family narrative. It makes people more resilient and can help moderate the effects of stress.
If you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come. 
My family has a lot of stories to tell and I always found it fascinating when they would point out the houses they grew up in and show me grave sites of loved ones long gone. We are close with our extended family, so hearing stories about my cousins were usually pretty entertaining. While digging through a box of my dad's stuff I came across letters my grandma had written my grandpa. Dad once found the boat ticket his grandparents used to come across the ocean and into North America. It all makes me so proud and curious to know more about who I am and where I come from.

I've always claimed my journals are my legacy. For the last 2 years my journal writing has been sporadic at best. I really want to get back into it and start writing every day because Tesla is growing so fast and I don't want to forget anything. But I also want to do something else; something bigger - an anthology.

With the help of family, I want to start writing a never-ending project. I want to record as many stories as I can about our family. My grandmother is alive and well and I have no idea how she met Grandpa. I once asked her over Chinese food why she said yes to his proposal and her response was, "Well, he was a very nice boy."

My mother spearheaded this family cookbook filled with old recipes from all the cousins on the Creek side of the family. It also included stories about how my great-grandparents came to Canada and how life on the farm was back in the day as recounted by their children who are almost all dead now. That cookbook is an amazing piece of  my family's history and is a story in itself.

There's a lot more holes in the history of my father's family. Sadly, most of my father's family is either dead or estranged. My father tells me stories of his childhood and I try very hard to listen carefully and remember as much as I can. Grandpa and Great-Grandma used to tell him stories and he said he never really paid attention and he regrets that now. Those stories are lost forever.

I want to get stories from Bob's side of the family too. After all, he's pretty much my husband and I want Tesla to know about her paternal roots too. Even though none of Bob's grandparents remain, I'm sure his parents and uncle would be able to remember at least some stories.

The great thing about this anthology is that it will be enjoyed by everybody in the family who is alive right now and who is yet to be born. The older we get and the thicker the anthology grows, the more valuable it will become, especially when family members start passing on. It's this huge team project where everybody in the family is working toward a common goal. I want Tesla to know who her family is and where she comes from. I also want to be able to remember where I come from too.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Crying Like A Baby

There are many reasons why children cry. Excluding injuries, I think hunger, exhaustion, and frustration rank at the top. Then there's all those other times where tears seem illogical or exaggerated based on the situation, yet there they are.

I was reading this article about how society deals with children who cry. The general consensus is that crying is bad and if it can't be avoided, we should do what we can to make it stop as soon as possible. This is not a healthy way to deal with the issue of crying though.

When a toddler is crying and yelling mine because his little cousin who came over for a visit starts playing with his toys, the mother's first response is usually to scold, encourage her son to share, and then distract with some other toy. This is a "wrong" response because the boy is being encouraged to bottle up his feelings and he's also being told his feelings don't matter.

Instead, the mother should vocalize her son's feelings for him. You are upset because Billy is playing with your toys. You do not like to share your toys. This validates what the boy is feeling and gives words to his feelings. It may not make him stop crying faster and he still has to share, but it's okay to cry. Someone's touching his stuff and that's stressful. I absolutely hate it when people touch my stuff without asking, so I can see where this little boy's coming from.

A little girl starts crying because her mom is leaving for work. The father's first response is to make it seem like it's not a big deal and may say things like, Oh don't worry, Mommy will be back later. And then offer a distraction like a special treat or her favourite toy. This is a "wrong" response too. The father is trivializing his daughter's feelings.

Instead, the father should vocalize her feelings for her. You are sad because Mommy is leaving and you are going to miss her when she's gone. Again, this just puts into words what she's thinking and validates what she's feeling. It's okay to miss a person when they leave and it's not silly at all.

Personally speaking, I've missed a person so much I've cried and if someone had said to me, It's okay Chelsea, you'll see them again soon, I probably would have dropped an F-bomb because we both know that's not the point. Children also know that's not the point.

We can all agree it's okay to cry and it's a perfectly healthy way to express yourself, yet we're always trying to get kids to stop crying when really, they probably should just cry and release those endorphines. As adults, we can control our emotions much easier than children, (usually.) We fight back tears so we can cry in private, embarrassed to let others see us in such a state because then we'd feel stupid. That's what we were taught to do. If our generation of parents had vocalized our feelings for us instead of trying to shut us up all the time, I bet we'd all be more open with our emotions today.

It's hard to change the way you think and speak, but I really liked that article and I want to adopt this sort of speech to replace the things I currently say to my daughter and the daycare kids when they cry.

Friday, April 5, 2013


I hate researching milestones because it makes me depressed and anxious about my baby if she isn't meeting them, plus I also feel really pressured to "help" her meet all these milestones. She is almost 32 weeks old ie 7 months old and I decided to look up where she should be at because I haven't done it in a couple months.

Of all the great things she's accomplished in her short life, it's never enough is it?
  • She can feed herself real food. She swallows it.
  • She's been putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night for 4 months now.
  • She can roll all over the place and rolls over to things she wants.
  • She also reaches for things she wants.
  • She can follow sound, movement, and turns when you say her name.
  • She loves jumping.
  • She loves being read to and sung to, and Bob and I do it several times daily.
  • She can sit unassisted for less than a minute, longer if there's a toy in front of her to lean on.
  • She can squeal, laugh, blow raspberries, and roll her R's.
BUT She can't crawl and she doesn't babble. My baby is obviously doomed to live out her sub-par life as a homeless person slash failure because her parents didn't spend enough time with her teaching and helping her grow.

Alright, that's probably a bit excessive. All babies develop at their own pace and these are just guidelines blah blah bah. Still... it does make me feel guilty because I am a stay at home mom and I should be dedicating my whole day to my baby, spending every waking second with her, playing educational games and encouraging her brain development through a variety of stimulating activities. That's what all stay at home moms do right? (lol)

Running the daycare does take time away from Tesla. I have to play with everybody and because Tesla is such a content and quiet baby, it's easy to pass over her and focus on the kid screaming PAY WIT MEE! PAY WIT MEE!

But today I took a stand in an effort to spend more time with my daughter and really focus on getting that crawling and babbling thing going. Mornings are now dedicated to playing with only Tesla. The daycare kids can amuse themselves or play with Tesla too. It's only for 90 minutes. When she goes down for her morning nap I'll focus on the other kids.

I know there's nothing wrong with Tesla, like, she's not autistic or anything. And she was premature, if that still counts for anything. Some kids just never crawl. As far as the babbling goes - she's always been a quiet baby, hardly crying or making any noises really. She has gone ba-ba-ba on occasion, but perhaps the lack of babbling is an extension of that.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Deep Cleaning My Bank Account

Yesterday I lost my mind and spent my paycheque on a Bissel ProHeat® Deep Cleaning System plus a big bottle of carpet cleaning solution. I went into Canadian Tire to try to find this foaming carpet broom thing to clean the carpets. It's like, thirty bucks. I think Resolve makes one. I had bought one before. It's designed so you can spray the carpet cleaning foam and brush it in at the same time and it has a long handle. You wait for it to dry and then vacuum. Easy.

Except apparently they don't exist anymore and I can't find this thing anywhere.

Yesterday Tesla puked so much, I had to change my outfit twice and hers about 6 times. The carpet was disgusting. I gave up on it. She'd puke on it and I was like, fuck it, I don't care anymore. I'm sick of cleaning it. Baby puke stains a bright orange colour too. We have a can of Resolve with a brush on it so you can do spot cleans, but I always miss spots and it didn't even work the last time I pulled it out.

Anyway, I wanted to clean the whole carpet. I couldn't find this Resolve broom thing I wanted. I couldn't find anything similar. Then I saw the Bissell.

For just $200 this amazing deep cleaning machine could be mine! And it was.

Once we moved everything off the floor that we could and vacuumed as best we could with our cheap vacuum, I got to work deep cleaning. It took me an hour. I had to change out the water twice and I didn't even get the whole hallway done. The amount of cat hair pulled up with disgusting. I had to pull out my vacuum and suck it up as I went along because there was so much of it.

In the morning I vacuumed again and sucked up more hair and dirt. The carpet had a nice, crunchy yet soft texture when I walked on it. It looked very clean and new.

Forty-five minutes after Tesla got up this morning she puked on the carpet. Sigh. I can't even be mad. I knew it was coming.

It's recommended that carpet in high traffic areas, exposed to multiple pets and large families, should be deep cleaned every 2-3 months. That's my carpet. Thinking of the cost of professionally deep cleaning my carpet 6 times a year, this Bissel I bought will pay for itself before the year is through. A clean carpet doesn't pay my overdue Visa bill though and I really should have thought ahead before making such an expensive and impulsive purchase.

Monday, April 1, 2013

I'm Probably Dying

I think I'm depressed or something. Tomorrow I will have had 5 days off in a row and I was sick, sick, sick, for all of them. Why do I always get sick during long weekends? It's just not fair.

Day in and day out I'm confined to these 4 white walls never able to do anything about it. I finally get nearly a week off and I'm stuck at home anyway because I'm too sick to leave the house! I just can't believe it.

None of the house work got done over the weekend. I still feel too weak to clean up much. I slept about 2 hours total last night and I'm not going to get any sleep during the day today for obvious reasons.

My sinus's are killing me and it's hard to breathe. I've gone through 3 boxes of tissues. My ears are ringing, my whole body aches, especially my head and neck. Last night I was sweating one minute, shivering the next. My thirst has been unquenchable for days. My skin, eyes, lips, and mouth are bone dry. I actually woke up with no saliva in my mouth this morning. I could barely swallow. I felt feverish, but didn't have a fever.

I loathe taking pills, but I've tried sinus medication, ibuprofen, expired ephedrine, and herbal sleeping pills. Nothing has worked. I cried for hours last night, exhausted, and a little scared. It felt like I was dying. That feeling of not getting enough air is really freaky.

Tesla's so easygoing, she'll jump in her exersaucer for hours, but I feel guilty ignoring her all day. I'm doing less than the bare minimum. She's fed and in a clean diaper, but that's all I've got. She actually took her morning nap on the living room floor because I didn't have the energy to go through the whole routine properly of reading a story, singing a song, rocking, and placing in her crib with the mobile on. When she started fussing to be put down for her nap, I threw a throw blanket on her and she eventually put herself to sleep.

I can't be like this for when the daycare kids come on Wednesday. I've got 30 hours to rid my body of all toxins and heal myself of this horrible illness.