Tesla is 15 months old. She's growing in all ways and watching her develop and learn brightens my day. She's got this sparkle in her eye all the time. But there's one problem - she's been refusing to eat vegetables for a couple of months now. Even the vegetables she used to eat before. I'm trying not to create a power struggle, but I don't want this type of eating habit to carry on throughout her years.
Now, I've read more than my fair share of parenting articles, especially ones related to food, and yet I'm at a loss for what to do. You see, it's not as straight-forward as all the mommy-blogs make it out to be.
My job is the serve healthy, balanced meals. The child's job is to decide what and how much to eat, if at all. Forcing, coercing, bribing, cutting deals, rewarding, and punishing are all big no-nos. Young children never intentionally starve themselves and they will eat when they are truly hungry.
Well, that's all great in theory, but in practice, I'm having a very hard time with that. You see, I did a little experiment just to gauge how far I could push things with Tesla. In the morning she had breakfast and ate until full. At 9 am, I serve a snack to the daycare kids and if Tesla is hungry, she gets a snack too. So, she had a snack at 9 am.
At 11 am I serve lunch. This is when my experiment began. I put 2 slices of cucumber, 2 cherry tomatoes, and 2 slices of red pepper on her plate. She freaked out. I knew she would, but these are foods she used to eat, so I wanted to see how long it would take for her to try them again. I excused her from the table because she was angry about her lunch options and 10-15 minutes later I put her back in the high chair and offered her plate again. She cried about it, but then she picked up a slice of red pepper, took a bite, chewed, and spit it out. She was done with lunch after that, so down she went.
She threw a fit, begged for different food, begged for milk, but all I would offer her was water or her veggies. She eventually went and played, but she was cranky and not much fun. She even took a nap for a bit, but it wasn't as long as she normally naps. She was probably too hungry to sleep.
At 3 pm I served the afternoon snack. I grabbed her plate of veggies from the fridge and offered them to her. She cried, but it was different sounding. Like she was defeated. She ate 1 cherry tomato and that was it. She sat there for 10 more minutes, pouting, while I hoped she would try another bite, but she didn't. She was miserable.
Except for that one cherry tomato, she hadn't eaten in 6 hours! I felt like that was too long to make her go without eating, and she did try the cherry tomato, so I gave her half a cup of fresh pineapple, which she devoured greedily. She wanted more food, something, anything but the vegetables, but I refused and made her wait until supper at 6 pm where she got a new, different meal. She was so hungry!
I felt evil. I can't imagine doing that to her every day. Won't she be malnourished? How is she supposed to grow and develop if she's skipping all her meals? A lot of kids refuse foods because they have small appetites. Not Tesla! She's always had a big appetite and during my experiment she was clearly hungry and asking for food, but by limiting her options so severely, isn't that just another way of trying to force her to eat it? (Something you're supposedly not supposed to do.) Making her choose between this or nothing isn't exactly giving her a choice. On the flip side, I run the risk of raising a super picky eater by catering to her all the time.
So, then what's a mom to do? Where do you draw the line? If she's hungry, she's unhappy, she can't sleep well, and she's miserable to be around, throwing fits like crazy. Does she even understand why I'm not feeding her? Probably not. This popular tactic doesn't work on children who can't comprehend what's happening.
And I ain't some softie parent either, oh no! I'm the tough one. I laugh in the face of tantrums. But seeing her face, so angry and confused when I wouldn't feed her, broke my heart and it just didn't feel right. She's too young to implement this sort of food rule. Even if she ate just enough to survive, (remember, they won't starve themselves to death) it's not enough for optimal growth and development. I will try again when she turns 2. She eats meat, she eats fruit, and she eats dairy. That's good enough for me for now. There are kids who eat less.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Thursday, November 14, 2013
What It Means To Be Grateful
Someone posed a question in a forum about daycare food going to waste; If uneaten food goes in the trash, what's the difference if the child had eaten it instead? Isn't eaten food wasted food too?
A bunch of people agreed with the poster for some reason, but I just can't wrap my head around that. Food is fuel for the body. If you filled your car up with exactly enough gas to get somewhere, but found you didn't use it all, would you save it for later, or would you dump it out because "it's gas you would have used anyway"? That's not economical at all!
Wasted food makes me sad. Bob worked hard to pay for that food and when something forgotten in the back of the fridge grows mold, or a box of whatever in the cupboard goes stale, that's a waste of money too. That food could have provided me with energy and nutrition, and now I have to go out and get more of it. And when perfectly good food gets thrown out instead of eaten, well that feels worse than chucking something expired. At least with the expired food I had intended to try and eat it.
The kicker is that I don't really like eating leftovers. I do it because I can't afford not to and I see the value in making meals ahead of time, or preparing extra food at supper for lunch the next day. Foods I'm not keen on eating again I give to Bob and Tesla or the daycare kids. And if they don't eat it... well, it's food I would have thrown out anyway, so it doesn't hurt the same way as throwing out food I would have eaten.
We're such a rich country, children (and probably some adults too) living here can't fathom what it means to go without. It's only those who take their excess for granted that waste. (So, pretty much everyone living in the western part of the world.) I think of all those people in the Philippines who have nothing right now, and I do feel a bit guilty for having access to so much, wasting food, wasting water. I can't help but feel removed from the situation, since it's so unlikely that would ever happen to us in Canada.
But I'm not the type of parent that gives the "there are starving children in the Philippines and Africa and China that would love to eat what's on your plate!" speech. So send it to them! I would tell my father when he would yammer on about Africa. I thought it was such a stupid saying growing up and I didn't understand it. I didn't know what it meant to be grateful.
That all changed when I was an adult. Not because I had pay for and prepare my own food, but because of a holocaust survivor's presentation about his life. When I was working at CBC I went to his presentation he was giving to a group of high school students. During the war he and his family had to live under a crawl space and they rarely got to get out. They had nothing to eat but rotten onions for months on end. Every day, raw, rotten onions to eat. He hated onions. He said he would have eaten anything, anything else but an onion if he had the chance. He would go to sleep and dream he could have a tall glass of cool, refreshing water to drink, all for himself. They were all so thirsty and hungry and cramped, just trying to stay alive and fight off illness.
His story was so powerful, it was hard not to cry. That stupid saying... there are starving children in the world that would love to eat what you have... it finally made sense to me in that moment.
I can't wait until Tesla's old enough to understand that story. Just because we can and do waste food, doesn't mean we should or that it's okay. Remembrance Day combined with the disaster in the Philippines has me thinking extra hard about all the things I'm thankful for. We're all privileged. Let's not forget that.
A bunch of people agreed with the poster for some reason, but I just can't wrap my head around that. Food is fuel for the body. If you filled your car up with exactly enough gas to get somewhere, but found you didn't use it all, would you save it for later, or would you dump it out because "it's gas you would have used anyway"? That's not economical at all!
Wasted food makes me sad. Bob worked hard to pay for that food and when something forgotten in the back of the fridge grows mold, or a box of whatever in the cupboard goes stale, that's a waste of money too. That food could have provided me with energy and nutrition, and now I have to go out and get more of it. And when perfectly good food gets thrown out instead of eaten, well that feels worse than chucking something expired. At least with the expired food I had intended to try and eat it.
The kicker is that I don't really like eating leftovers. I do it because I can't afford not to and I see the value in making meals ahead of time, or preparing extra food at supper for lunch the next day. Foods I'm not keen on eating again I give to Bob and Tesla or the daycare kids. And if they don't eat it... well, it's food I would have thrown out anyway, so it doesn't hurt the same way as throwing out food I would have eaten.
We're such a rich country, children (and probably some adults too) living here can't fathom what it means to go without. It's only those who take their excess for granted that waste. (So, pretty much everyone living in the western part of the world.) I think of all those people in the Philippines who have nothing right now, and I do feel a bit guilty for having access to so much, wasting food, wasting water. I can't help but feel removed from the situation, since it's so unlikely that would ever happen to us in Canada.
But I'm not the type of parent that gives the "there are starving children in the Philippines and Africa and China that would love to eat what's on your plate!" speech. So send it to them! I would tell my father when he would yammer on about Africa. I thought it was such a stupid saying growing up and I didn't understand it. I didn't know what it meant to be grateful.
That all changed when I was an adult. Not because I had pay for and prepare my own food, but because of a holocaust survivor's presentation about his life. When I was working at CBC I went to his presentation he was giving to a group of high school students. During the war he and his family had to live under a crawl space and they rarely got to get out. They had nothing to eat but rotten onions for months on end. Every day, raw, rotten onions to eat. He hated onions. He said he would have eaten anything, anything else but an onion if he had the chance. He would go to sleep and dream he could have a tall glass of cool, refreshing water to drink, all for himself. They were all so thirsty and hungry and cramped, just trying to stay alive and fight off illness.
His story was so powerful, it was hard not to cry. That stupid saying... there are starving children in the world that would love to eat what you have... it finally made sense to me in that moment.
I can't wait until Tesla's old enough to understand that story. Just because we can and do waste food, doesn't mean we should or that it's okay. Remembrance Day combined with the disaster in the Philippines has me thinking extra hard about all the things I'm thankful for. We're all privileged. Let's not forget that.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Time-Outs & Time-Ins
After having a very frustrating day dealing with an impossibly defiant child, I decided that I needed to reevaluate my discipline techniques and possibly make some changes. As children grow and evolve, caregivers should recognize, rethink, and respond. I've had too many power struggles this week, all of which could have been avoided had I just done something differently.
Currently I have a couple ways of dealing with unacceptable behavior. First and foremost I ask the child to please stop doing whatever it is they are doing and I give a reason why. Or if it's a house rule that has been broken, I will ask the child if that type of behavior is allowed at Chelsea's house. The answer is always no, of course, but cheeky children like to smile and say yes. From there, they're either redirected to a new activity, a different part of the play area, or in some cases, a Time-Out.
I love using redirection. It doesn't usually evoke those strong tantrum feelings that issuing a Time-Out does. It's so simple and it feels mostly positive. I'm giving the child an alternative, not an order and the child often has some say in it. The problem I have with redirection is that if it doesn't work, I have to take things to the next level, and there are some instances where redirection isn't appropriate.
At Chelsea's house, you get one warning to try and correct your behavior yourself. I firmly believe that the more warnings and chances you give a child, the more and more chances and warnings you'll have to give in the long run and you won't actually make any progress. Imagine your city's by-law stated that a police officer could pull you over for speeding and give you a warning 3-5 times at his discretion before issuing a ticket. At what point would you minimize your speeding? Do you see where I'm going with this? Kids are playing roulette wondering how many times they can get away with something before somebody steps in and actually hands out a ticket.
After one warning the toy or activity is taken away or cleaned up, or a Time-Out is issued. In this house, defiance and not listening are the two biggest problems. I can't redirect a child who isn't following instructions. There's no toy to take away when a child is acting defiant. The best I can do is offer a choice and let the children choose for themselves what happens next, but sometimes I need to pull rank and make an executive decision. Time-Out is the only option left it seems. But lately it feels like I'm using it too much.
So, I started researching Time-Ins. It is a place that is slightly away from others and it's purpose is to help a child learn how to calm down by themselves. The best uses for it are for when a child is having a tantrum, a child is feeling emotional, a child is frustrated, or a child just generally needs to take a break before they explode. The Time-In is equipped with a big sitting pillow and a box of sensory items to help a child get back to being calm. Things I've read include snow globes, stress balls, odd shaped or textured balls, stuffed animals, little books, container of rice and spoon for digging, mirror, crayons and paper, rubix cube, pin-wheels, bubbles, something to smell like a candle, or even an ipod to listen to relaxing music or a book on tape.
I love this idea so much and I do plan on adding it to my arsenal! But I'll be honest, I sort of have my doubts. The majority of my issues with the kids are listening/calmly defiant ones, not emotional/aggressive ones. Does a child who says in a strong, firm voice, NO, when I ask to clean up the toys need a Time-In or a Time-Out? Does a child who ignores me when I try speaking to them about their behavior deserve a Time-In or a Time-Out? Does a child who doesn't listen to instructions after being asked twice need a Time-In or a Time-Out? It's not so cut and dry.
I understand the long-term psychological advantages of using a Time-In over a Time-Out in certain instances, but for my specific plight, I'm still confused. Time-Out is supposed to be a brief withdrawal from attention to calm down and reflect. Time-In can be preventative, should last as long as the child needs it to, and is supposed to teach a child appropriate ways to calm down, reflect, and analyze.
Discipline means to teach, not to punish. It certainly seems like Time-In should do a better job of that. But for a child that's already not listening, will asking them to have a Time-In really make a difference? I can't force a kid to sit on a pillow and shake a snow globe. Then that's just a cushy Time-Out with toys, isn't it? Either way, Time-Outs are not effective at correcting this behavior at this time and I do not wish to waste any more energy on it. The smug satisfaction a caregiver feels when they've "won" by successfully enforcing punitive discipline tactics pushing the child to the point where he or she gives up, cries, and obeys, is not the sort of relationship I want with my kids. Ever. I'll let you know soon enough if this works out.
Currently I have a couple ways of dealing with unacceptable behavior. First and foremost I ask the child to please stop doing whatever it is they are doing and I give a reason why. Or if it's a house rule that has been broken, I will ask the child if that type of behavior is allowed at Chelsea's house. The answer is always no, of course, but cheeky children like to smile and say yes. From there, they're either redirected to a new activity, a different part of the play area, or in some cases, a Time-Out.
I love using redirection. It doesn't usually evoke those strong tantrum feelings that issuing a Time-Out does. It's so simple and it feels mostly positive. I'm giving the child an alternative, not an order and the child often has some say in it. The problem I have with redirection is that if it doesn't work, I have to take things to the next level, and there are some instances where redirection isn't appropriate.
At Chelsea's house, you get one warning to try and correct your behavior yourself. I firmly believe that the more warnings and chances you give a child, the more and more chances and warnings you'll have to give in the long run and you won't actually make any progress. Imagine your city's by-law stated that a police officer could pull you over for speeding and give you a warning 3-5 times at his discretion before issuing a ticket. At what point would you minimize your speeding? Do you see where I'm going with this? Kids are playing roulette wondering how many times they can get away with something before somebody steps in and actually hands out a ticket.
After one warning the toy or activity is taken away or cleaned up, or a Time-Out is issued. In this house, defiance and not listening are the two biggest problems. I can't redirect a child who isn't following instructions. There's no toy to take away when a child is acting defiant. The best I can do is offer a choice and let the children choose for themselves what happens next, but sometimes I need to pull rank and make an executive decision. Time-Out is the only option left it seems. But lately it feels like I'm using it too much.
So, I started researching Time-Ins. It is a place that is slightly away from others and it's purpose is to help a child learn how to calm down by themselves. The best uses for it are for when a child is having a tantrum, a child is feeling emotional, a child is frustrated, or a child just generally needs to take a break before they explode. The Time-In is equipped with a big sitting pillow and a box of sensory items to help a child get back to being calm. Things I've read include snow globes, stress balls, odd shaped or textured balls, stuffed animals, little books, container of rice and spoon for digging, mirror, crayons and paper, rubix cube, pin-wheels, bubbles, something to smell like a candle, or even an ipod to listen to relaxing music or a book on tape.
I love this idea so much and I do plan on adding it to my arsenal! But I'll be honest, I sort of have my doubts. The majority of my issues with the kids are listening/calmly defiant ones, not emotional/aggressive ones. Does a child who says in a strong, firm voice, NO, when I ask to clean up the toys need a Time-In or a Time-Out? Does a child who ignores me when I try speaking to them about their behavior deserve a Time-In or a Time-Out? Does a child who doesn't listen to instructions after being asked twice need a Time-In or a Time-Out? It's not so cut and dry.
I understand the long-term psychological advantages of using a Time-In over a Time-Out in certain instances, but for my specific plight, I'm still confused. Time-Out is supposed to be a brief withdrawal from attention to calm down and reflect. Time-In can be preventative, should last as long as the child needs it to, and is supposed to teach a child appropriate ways to calm down, reflect, and analyze.
Discipline means to teach, not to punish. It certainly seems like Time-In should do a better job of that. But for a child that's already not listening, will asking them to have a Time-In really make a difference? I can't force a kid to sit on a pillow and shake a snow globe. Then that's just a cushy Time-Out with toys, isn't it? Either way, Time-Outs are not effective at correcting this behavior at this time and I do not wish to waste any more energy on it. The smug satisfaction a caregiver feels when they've "won" by successfully enforcing punitive discipline tactics pushing the child to the point where he or she gives up, cries, and obeys, is not the sort of relationship I want with my kids. Ever. I'll let you know soon enough if this works out.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Milk vs Juice
I drink water. A cool glassful on it's own, or often I'll add a frozen lemon wedge or a squirt of lemon juice. It's so refreshing! It's the perfect drink to rehydrate or accompany any meal. I rarely drink anything else. (Except my guilty pleasure of chocolate milk.) So, naturally I want Tesla to drink water too. And she does! But I think that she needs some liquid calories too.
My pediatrician recommended she drink no more than 16 oz of milk a day, (or 2 cups if you understand metric better.) He made no mention of what she should drink at other times and we never talked about juice.
I was doing some research online and from multiple sites I read that children should drink unlimited amounts of milk and water, but only 4-6 oz of 100% juice. They claim that juice has too much sugar and too many calories compared to milk and that drinking sugary drinks all the time can fill their little bellies leaving not enough room for real food. Also, the more sugary drinks a child has per day, the more likely the child will be obese.
For the past month, Tesla has been drinking:
10 oz of 3% milk a day
5 oz of Bolthouse Farms 100% fruit juice smoothie (assorted varieties) and
5 oz of Bolthouse Farms 100% Carrot juice daily.
She eats 4 meals a day, so at each meal I offer a cup of milk or juice to drink and the rest of the time she has water. I see milk and juice as a supplement to the meal. She's been drinking her food for her whole life, so I see milk and juice as an extension of that. She can quickly and easily get some of the calories and nutrition she needs without having to spend all that extra time in her high chair.
But I still can't wrap my head around why milk is "healthier" than juice. Why should I cut out one of her juices and replace it with milk? Honestly, I don't believe one is necessarily better than the other. They both have their place. Yes, the juice has twice as much sugar, but it's natural sugar she would have eaten anyway had I fed her all the ingredients in the juice raw.
I think the reason why whole milk is pushed over juice is because A) Dairy is a made up food group that we don't need to consume, but it happens to employ a lot of people and many people make a profit off dairy farming, and B) there is fat in milk and infants and toddlers require a high fat diet for proper growth and development, but so many children exist on carbohydrates, their milk is the only thing they consume that has fat in it.
Tesla eats a high fat diet just like her parents do. The only foods we have trouble getting her to eat are non-starchy vegetables. (She tries a bite or two, but usually just spits it out.) She'll eat them if they're mixed into her omelet, or blended into a drink or smoothie though. It just makes sense for me to give her 100% fruit and vegetable juice. She doesn't need more milk.
Raising a primal baby is so much harder than raising a SAD baby. When she's bugging me for a pre-dinner snack, I can't just throw some goldfish crackers or a cheerios into a bowl to distract her. Any of the acceptable foods to give her are either messy or a choking hazard, except for a stick of cheese, but sometimes she's already had cheese, so there's a fine line between how many ounces of cheese I want her to eat in a day. Filling up a sippy cup with 100% Orange-Carrot juice... vitamin A, vitamin C, fiber, potassium... that's pretty quick and easy for an appetizer and damn nutritious too.
As she gets older the juice will be less necessary because she'll be eating more well rounded. I don't think I'm making her at risk for being obese by feeding her twice the daily recommended limit for juice. She's tall and her weight is average, plus we brush her teeth every day. She eats a hell of a lot better than most other kids I've met, and she eats more variety too.
Only time will tell if I'm making a good, healthy choice for my daughter.
My pediatrician recommended she drink no more than 16 oz of milk a day, (or 2 cups if you understand metric better.) He made no mention of what she should drink at other times and we never talked about juice.
I was doing some research online and from multiple sites I read that children should drink unlimited amounts of milk and water, but only 4-6 oz of 100% juice. They claim that juice has too much sugar and too many calories compared to milk and that drinking sugary drinks all the time can fill their little bellies leaving not enough room for real food. Also, the more sugary drinks a child has per day, the more likely the child will be obese.
For the past month, Tesla has been drinking:
10 oz of 3% milk a day
5 oz of Bolthouse Farms 100% fruit juice smoothie (assorted varieties) and
5 oz of Bolthouse Farms 100% Carrot juice daily.
She eats 4 meals a day, so at each meal I offer a cup of milk or juice to drink and the rest of the time she has water. I see milk and juice as a supplement to the meal. She's been drinking her food for her whole life, so I see milk and juice as an extension of that. She can quickly and easily get some of the calories and nutrition she needs without having to spend all that extra time in her high chair.
But I still can't wrap my head around why milk is "healthier" than juice. Why should I cut out one of her juices and replace it with milk? Honestly, I don't believe one is necessarily better than the other. They both have their place. Yes, the juice has twice as much sugar, but it's natural sugar she would have eaten anyway had I fed her all the ingredients in the juice raw.
I think the reason why whole milk is pushed over juice is because A) Dairy is a made up food group that we don't need to consume, but it happens to employ a lot of people and many people make a profit off dairy farming, and B) there is fat in milk and infants and toddlers require a high fat diet for proper growth and development, but so many children exist on carbohydrates, their milk is the only thing they consume that has fat in it.
Tesla eats a high fat diet just like her parents do. The only foods we have trouble getting her to eat are non-starchy vegetables. (She tries a bite or two, but usually just spits it out.) She'll eat them if they're mixed into her omelet, or blended into a drink or smoothie though. It just makes sense for me to give her 100% fruit and vegetable juice. She doesn't need more milk.
Raising a primal baby is so much harder than raising a SAD baby. When she's bugging me for a pre-dinner snack, I can't just throw some goldfish crackers or a cheerios into a bowl to distract her. Any of the acceptable foods to give her are either messy or a choking hazard, except for a stick of cheese, but sometimes she's already had cheese, so there's a fine line between how many ounces of cheese I want her to eat in a day. Filling up a sippy cup with 100% Orange-Carrot juice... vitamin A, vitamin C, fiber, potassium... that's pretty quick and easy for an appetizer and damn nutritious too.
As she gets older the juice will be less necessary because she'll be eating more well rounded. I don't think I'm making her at risk for being obese by feeding her twice the daily recommended limit for juice. She's tall and her weight is average, plus we brush her teeth every day. She eats a hell of a lot better than most other kids I've met, and she eats more variety too.
Only time will tell if I'm making a good, healthy choice for my daughter.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Oven-Baked Babies
A toddler in Edmonton died after being left alone in a hot car. He didn't actually die in the car, but later in hospital. The car was locked when police arrived and when they pulled him out the temperature outside was above 30 degrees Celsius. That blows my mind. How hot and stuffy do you think it was inside that car?
It's so easy for children to fatally overheat. They don't have the sweat glands adults do and can't cool down their bodies. A lot of times they can't even tell you that they're dehydrated. Leaving the window down a crack doesn't help pets or kids. It's just wrong and plain ignorant to leave them unattended in a car no matter what the weather and no matter what the errand!
Growing up, I spent lots of time waiting in the car while my mom or dad ran in to get something. My mom would do it when I was older, like 11, so there weren't as many risks there. Except maybe being abducted, but the chances of that happening are pretty low, especially if the doors are all locked.
My Dad however, is a different story. He'd drive over to the bar in Richer, buy a big bag of cherries from the BC Fruit stand and I would sit in the truck alone with the window rolled down to spit out the pits while Dad went in to buy a case of beer, (and also drink some beer and probably play pool.) It always seemed like he was gone a long time, but it couldn't have been more than hour. I was much younger... maybe 8 or 9, sometimes my little sister was with me. We could have been abducted for sure, but with the windows all the way down and the cherries to eat, I doubt we would have gotten heat stroke. It did get pretty hot in that truck and I remember feeling very thirsty!
I can't imagine doing that with Tesla. You'd think times have changed since when we were young, but when so many kids are dying while waiting for their parents in a locked car, it really makes you wonder if our society has learned anything at all. With all the improvements we've made to car seats, cribs, and laws regarding kids wearing proper helmets and safety gear, how is it that there are still kids today dying from being over heated? We have plenty of fresh water, air conditioning, fancy strollers, and yet children die in hot cars. Are the parents just too lazy to bring them into the supermarket with them?
Yes, it would be easier to leave Tesla in the car while I run into the bank quick, but you don't have children to make your life easier. If you feel safe enough to leave your kid alone in the car, maybe just leave your kid at home alone instead. (I don't think it's safe to leave a 3 year old home alone though.)
I'm just going to throw this out there, though I really shouldn't have to: If you have a kid or pet in your care... don't leave him or her in the car alone. If you are in a parking lot and you spot a dog or a child alone in the car, break the window and call police. It's not illegal if you're doing it to save a child or animal's life. You don't know how long it's going to take the police to come, that's why you always break the window first. Otherwise a forgotten child could die waiting for help.
It's so easy for children to fatally overheat. They don't have the sweat glands adults do and can't cool down their bodies. A lot of times they can't even tell you that they're dehydrated. Leaving the window down a crack doesn't help pets or kids. It's just wrong and plain ignorant to leave them unattended in a car no matter what the weather and no matter what the errand!
Growing up, I spent lots of time waiting in the car while my mom or dad ran in to get something. My mom would do it when I was older, like 11, so there weren't as many risks there. Except maybe being abducted, but the chances of that happening are pretty low, especially if the doors are all locked.
My Dad however, is a different story. He'd drive over to the bar in Richer, buy a big bag of cherries from the BC Fruit stand and I would sit in the truck alone with the window rolled down to spit out the pits while Dad went in to buy a case of beer, (and also drink some beer and probably play pool.) It always seemed like he was gone a long time, but it couldn't have been more than hour. I was much younger... maybe 8 or 9, sometimes my little sister was with me. We could have been abducted for sure, but with the windows all the way down and the cherries to eat, I doubt we would have gotten heat stroke. It did get pretty hot in that truck and I remember feeling very thirsty!
I can't imagine doing that with Tesla. You'd think times have changed since when we were young, but when so many kids are dying while waiting for their parents in a locked car, it really makes you wonder if our society has learned anything at all. With all the improvements we've made to car seats, cribs, and laws regarding kids wearing proper helmets and safety gear, how is it that there are still kids today dying from being over heated? We have plenty of fresh water, air conditioning, fancy strollers, and yet children die in hot cars. Are the parents just too lazy to bring them into the supermarket with them?
Yes, it would be easier to leave Tesla in the car while I run into the bank quick, but you don't have children to make your life easier. If you feel safe enough to leave your kid alone in the car, maybe just leave your kid at home alone instead. (I don't think it's safe to leave a 3 year old home alone though.)
I'm just going to throw this out there, though I really shouldn't have to: If you have a kid or pet in your care... don't leave him or her in the car alone. If you are in a parking lot and you spot a dog or a child alone in the car, break the window and call police. It's not illegal if you're doing it to save a child or animal's life. You don't know how long it's going to take the police to come, that's why you always break the window first. Otherwise a forgotten child could die waiting for help.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Children's Menus
I hate the kids' menus at restaurants. It's nothing but beige coloured crap, even if you're eating at a 3 or 4 star restaurant.
But I've found some restaurants that serve interesting dishes on their kids menu!
From Boston Pizza, the Chopstick Chicken n' Rice Bowl.
Chicken, red peppers, pineapple and seasonal vegetables tossed in teriyaki sauce and served on rice, topped with crunchy noodles.
At Moxie's kid's can have Teriyaki Salmon with jasmine rice and steamed vegetables. They can also have Grilled Chicken with asiago cream penne and steamed vegetables.
From Swiss Chalet you can order the all white meat Quarter Chicken with your choice of a garden salad or fresh vegetables.
If you're ever at Chop Steakhouse, you can get the Sirloin Dinner for your kid. A 7oz AAA sirloin served with seasonal vegetables, and mashed potatoes.
At Montana's Cookhouse, you could get Pork Back Ribs. They're hickory smoked pork back ribs brushed with barbeque sauce and served with your choice of side. Some of those sides include cucumber coins, apple slices, salad, or fries and carrot sticks.
From Red Lobster, of course you can get seafood. Try ordering the Snow Crab Legs or the Garlic Grilled Shrimp off the kids menu for your offspring. The meal comes with milk and your choice of orange wedges or broccoli.
The stereotype that kids won't eat vegetables or properly seasoned food and will only eat bland "kid" foods is such non-sense. Food is for everyone. My 9 month old baby ate yam fries with chipotle-ranch dip just last week. She eats everything I eat.
I love garlic and onions and when I cook I use all sorts of different herbs and spices, even crushed chilies. The only thing I don't season food with is salt. Tesla eats all of it! I try to expose her to as much flavour and texture as I safely can.
Tesla's too young to order off the kids menu, but if none of these restaurants ban children in the next 3 years, I think I'll keep them in mind for when we decide to go out to eat as a family. It's nice to know there are places that serve child sized portions of food that aren't part of the "Stereotyped Six" listed above.
- Plain Cheeseburger
- Hot Dog
- Macaroni & Cheese
- Chicken Fingers & Fries
- Mini Cheese Pizza
- Grilled Cheese
But I've found some restaurants that serve interesting dishes on their kids menu!
 |
| Chopstick Chicken n Rice Bowl |
Chicken, red peppers, pineapple and seasonal vegetables tossed in teriyaki sauce and served on rice, topped with crunchy noodles.
At Moxie's kid's can have Teriyaki Salmon with jasmine rice and steamed vegetables. They can also have Grilled Chicken with asiago cream penne and steamed vegetables.
 |
| Quarter Chicken with Garden Salad |
If you're ever at Chop Steakhouse, you can get the Sirloin Dinner for your kid. A 7oz AAA sirloin served with seasonal vegetables, and mashed potatoes.
At Montana's Cookhouse, you could get Pork Back Ribs. They're hickory smoked pork back ribs brushed with barbeque sauce and served with your choice of side. Some of those sides include cucumber coins, apple slices, salad, or fries and carrot sticks.
From Red Lobster, of course you can get seafood. Try ordering the Snow Crab Legs or the Garlic Grilled Shrimp off the kids menu for your offspring. The meal comes with milk and your choice of orange wedges or broccoli.
The stereotype that kids won't eat vegetables or properly seasoned food and will only eat bland "kid" foods is such non-sense. Food is for everyone. My 9 month old baby ate yam fries with chipotle-ranch dip just last week. She eats everything I eat.
I love garlic and onions and when I cook I use all sorts of different herbs and spices, even crushed chilies. The only thing I don't season food with is salt. Tesla eats all of it! I try to expose her to as much flavour and texture as I safely can.
Tesla's too young to order off the kids menu, but if none of these restaurants ban children in the next 3 years, I think I'll keep them in mind for when we decide to go out to eat as a family. It's nice to know there are places that serve child sized portions of food that aren't part of the "Stereotyped Six" listed above.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Sippy Cups
I'm making a parenting choice that all the books disagree with. I put liquids other than formula in Tesla's baby bottles. (Gasp!) Tesla hasn't mastered the sippy cup yet. She's not even close. So why should she be excluded from trying new things just because the experts don't want her to try them in a bottle?
Tesla drinks broth, vegetable juice, fresh fruit juice and water in her bottles.
Apparently the whole thing is that doctors want babies off of their bottles by the time they're a year. By giving Tesla drinks other than her formula in her bottle, she going to apparently be even more attached to her bottle and not want to let it go, thus making it harder for her ween.
If I give her liquids in sippy cups, she will make the association that bottles are for formula and sippy cups are for everything else. When I stop giving her formula, it won't sting as much not being able to have a bottle.
Here's the thing: Tesla isn't attached to her bottle. Not even a little bit. I've never given her a bottle to go to sleep. She absolutely loves table food and I think she actually prefers it to her bottle. In August when I start to ween her off of her bottle, I know it will be a piece of cake.
But I still have 2 whole months, plus some days for Tesla to learn how to use her sippy cup "on time." I'm not really worried about it. Tesla has already shown that she will do things her way when she wants to. She's often offered a sippy cup with water and she really doesn't get it. She just likes to shake it and throw it. It will come to her.
Until then, I want Tesla to be able to enjoy soups and juices because it shouldn't matter how she gets her nutrition, it should just matter that she's getting it and she's trying new things.
Tesla drinks broth, vegetable juice, fresh fruit juice and water in her bottles.
Apparently the whole thing is that doctors want babies off of their bottles by the time they're a year. By giving Tesla drinks other than her formula in her bottle, she going to apparently be even more attached to her bottle and not want to let it go, thus making it harder for her ween.
If I give her liquids in sippy cups, she will make the association that bottles are for formula and sippy cups are for everything else. When I stop giving her formula, it won't sting as much not being able to have a bottle.
Here's the thing: Tesla isn't attached to her bottle. Not even a little bit. I've never given her a bottle to go to sleep. She absolutely loves table food and I think she actually prefers it to her bottle. In August when I start to ween her off of her bottle, I know it will be a piece of cake.
But I still have 2 whole months, plus some days for Tesla to learn how to use her sippy cup "on time." I'm not really worried about it. Tesla has already shown that she will do things her way when she wants to. She's often offered a sippy cup with water and she really doesn't get it. She just likes to shake it and throw it. It will come to her.
Until then, I want Tesla to be able to enjoy soups and juices because it shouldn't matter how she gets her nutrition, it should just matter that she's getting it and she's trying new things.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Perfect Cursive
I was reading an article about how cursive writing may become extinct. Ontario, Quebec, and at least 45 US states have all taken cursive writing out of the official curriculum. In lieu of learning to type, cursive just isn't an integral part of our life like it used to be. Everything we do is on a computer and a lot of it is mandatory that it be typed. Imagine submitting a 5000 word essay to your university professor completely handwritten? What a nightmare for everybody involved.
Due to the illegibility of most people's handwriting, I would say that more people choose to print as opposed to using cursive when it comes to having to communicate via the written word. And on any official document or form that must be filled out with pen, it is clearly stated that you must print.
So, who uses handwriting on a regular basis? Doctors who write prescriptions? My doctor uses a computer to print out prescriptions, but I know that system isn't set up everywhere. People who need to write quick notes, maybe? Most people email notes to coworkers, or just send a text. It's so rare to have to leave a physical note somewhere. Most students take notes on their laptops.
The only time I use cursive is when I'm signing my name, making lists, and when I'm writing in my journal. I find handwriting to be faster then printing. That was the whole point to learning cursive, wasn't it?
I'm a little sad that cursive will one day be extinct, but our society just doesn't use it and so I can see the value in dropping it from the curriculum in order to spend time on more important subjects. I really enjoy using it on a regular basis and am glad I learned it.
Maybe if Tesla is interested I can teach her myself when she's older. (I should look for workbooks now before those are extinct too) By the time she's a teen it will be cool and ironic to use cursive and everyone will be jealous of her skills. Or maybe in however many more years cursive will turn into an art form like calligraphy or glyphs or something.
Not all hope is lost for cursive though. In Prince Edward Island cursive remains a mandatory part of the curriculum, and in Nova Scotia teachers get to decide how much time they spend teaching their students cursive. Good for them! Long live cursive!
Due to the illegibility of most people's handwriting, I would say that more people choose to print as opposed to using cursive when it comes to having to communicate via the written word. And on any official document or form that must be filled out with pen, it is clearly stated that you must print.
So, who uses handwriting on a regular basis? Doctors who write prescriptions? My doctor uses a computer to print out prescriptions, but I know that system isn't set up everywhere. People who need to write quick notes, maybe? Most people email notes to coworkers, or just send a text. It's so rare to have to leave a physical note somewhere. Most students take notes on their laptops.
The only time I use cursive is when I'm signing my name, making lists, and when I'm writing in my journal. I find handwriting to be faster then printing. That was the whole point to learning cursive, wasn't it?
I'm a little sad that cursive will one day be extinct, but our society just doesn't use it and so I can see the value in dropping it from the curriculum in order to spend time on more important subjects. I really enjoy using it on a regular basis and am glad I learned it.
Maybe if Tesla is interested I can teach her myself when she's older. (I should look for workbooks now before those are extinct too) By the time she's a teen it will be cool and ironic to use cursive and everyone will be jealous of her skills. Or maybe in however many more years cursive will turn into an art form like calligraphy or glyphs or something.
Not all hope is lost for cursive though. In Prince Edward Island cursive remains a mandatory part of the curriculum, and in Nova Scotia teachers get to decide how much time they spend teaching their students cursive. Good for them! Long live cursive!
Monday, May 27, 2013
Stranger-Danger
We were young teens having a sleepover at my house in Ste. Anne. It was a beautiful night out, so we decided to sneak out after midnight and go for a walk. It was something I'm sure we'd done together before. I'd even done it by myself. We weren't going to vandalize property or make any trouble, we just wanted to walk around a dark, ghost-town, giggling and talking in hushed tones.
I lived just outside of town. Not even 15 minutes after leaving did we reach the edge of town and turn down a family friendly street I often rode my bike down. Suddenly there was a van coming up fast behind us. We moved to the side of the street and the van pulled up a few yards ahead and blocked our path. The sliding door opened and I could see the back seats had been removed. There were so many beer cans that they fell out of the van as several older, drunk guys we didn't recognize ambled toward us.
Frozen on the spot, my fight or flight response hadn't kicked in yet. I just stared at them trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted. I quickly became afraid, but I couldn't look away or move. I didn't even notice my friend had started to back up until she yelled out to me. Chelsea! Run!
It just so happened that we were beside our classmate's house and I followed my friend as she ran up to the door and started banging on it, whispering to herself, please answer the door, please answer the door. Our classmate's mom opened the door looking very annoyed. My friend begged her to let us inside and pointed toward to the boys. The drunk guys took the hint and piled back into the van and sped off. The mom scolded us for being out late, accused us of causing trouble and quite rudely told us to go back home.
I was still pretty shocked, but we quickly scurried back to the main road that would lead us home, trying to stay out of the light and constantly on the look-out for the van. We saw headlights and hid in a ditch. It was dry and the grass was long. There was no street light, so we were well hidden. It was the van. We thought maybe they were circling back, looking for us, so we just stayed in the ditch, but the van drove away and we never saw it again. My fucking heart was pounding so hard, I was panting.
We hurriedly walked in the ditches the rest of the way home, completely on edge, and when we got to my yard we ran as fast as we could to the front door and got inside. We turned off all the lights and hid out in my spare room. She curled up on the bed and I was across from her in the swivel chair. The computer monitor was our nightlight. Every so often my friend would peer through the blinds. I was still so stunned. I said, we almost got raped or something. If you hadn't called my name....
It was one of those moments where I wanted to laugh out loud with relief, like we got away with something and it was exhilarating, except it was so freaky, I didn't know how to react. The realization that something bad could have happened to us blew my mind.
We didn't talk much about it and I never told my parents.
May 25th was Missing Children's Day. The RCMP has some tips on how to street-proof your kids and after reading them I think my mom taught me well. We had a code word. I knew who to call and where to go if there was ever an emergency or if I was in danger. I was taught it's okay to talk to strangers, but not okay to go with them. I was taught to kick, hit, bite, anything to get away from someone trying to take me and to scream out loud, He's not my dad! She's not my mom! We played license plate games.
But when I was frozen in that spot, watching those guys clamber out of that van, it was like everything I learned was out the window. If my friend hadn't called out my name, who knows what would have happened. Maybe nothing. But there's the very slim chance I could have died. You never know what people's motives are. Especially drunk people.
I think of my sweet, little baby with her angelic face and I just want to drill her with my version of stranger-danger information until her ears bleed. I want her to sneak out of the house after midnight and take a breezy stroll in the summer air with friends because I know how fun it is, but I also hope that if she's ever in a situation like I was in with my friend, she'll take after my friend and not me.
I lived just outside of town. Not even 15 minutes after leaving did we reach the edge of town and turn down a family friendly street I often rode my bike down. Suddenly there was a van coming up fast behind us. We moved to the side of the street and the van pulled up a few yards ahead and blocked our path. The sliding door opened and I could see the back seats had been removed. There were so many beer cans that they fell out of the van as several older, drunk guys we didn't recognize ambled toward us.
Frozen on the spot, my fight or flight response hadn't kicked in yet. I just stared at them trying to figure out who they were and what they wanted. I quickly became afraid, but I couldn't look away or move. I didn't even notice my friend had started to back up until she yelled out to me. Chelsea! Run!
It just so happened that we were beside our classmate's house and I followed my friend as she ran up to the door and started banging on it, whispering to herself, please answer the door, please answer the door. Our classmate's mom opened the door looking very annoyed. My friend begged her to let us inside and pointed toward to the boys. The drunk guys took the hint and piled back into the van and sped off. The mom scolded us for being out late, accused us of causing trouble and quite rudely told us to go back home.
I was still pretty shocked, but we quickly scurried back to the main road that would lead us home, trying to stay out of the light and constantly on the look-out for the van. We saw headlights and hid in a ditch. It was dry and the grass was long. There was no street light, so we were well hidden. It was the van. We thought maybe they were circling back, looking for us, so we just stayed in the ditch, but the van drove away and we never saw it again. My fucking heart was pounding so hard, I was panting.
We hurriedly walked in the ditches the rest of the way home, completely on edge, and when we got to my yard we ran as fast as we could to the front door and got inside. We turned off all the lights and hid out in my spare room. She curled up on the bed and I was across from her in the swivel chair. The computer monitor was our nightlight. Every so often my friend would peer through the blinds. I was still so stunned. I said, we almost got raped or something. If you hadn't called my name....
It was one of those moments where I wanted to laugh out loud with relief, like we got away with something and it was exhilarating, except it was so freaky, I didn't know how to react. The realization that something bad could have happened to us blew my mind.
We didn't talk much about it and I never told my parents.
May 25th was Missing Children's Day. The RCMP has some tips on how to street-proof your kids and after reading them I think my mom taught me well. We had a code word. I knew who to call and where to go if there was ever an emergency or if I was in danger. I was taught it's okay to talk to strangers, but not okay to go with them. I was taught to kick, hit, bite, anything to get away from someone trying to take me and to scream out loud, He's not my dad! She's not my mom! We played license plate games.
But when I was frozen in that spot, watching those guys clamber out of that van, it was like everything I learned was out the window. If my friend hadn't called out my name, who knows what would have happened. Maybe nothing. But there's the very slim chance I could have died. You never know what people's motives are. Especially drunk people.
I think of my sweet, little baby with her angelic face and I just want to drill her with my version of stranger-danger information until her ears bleed. I want her to sneak out of the house after midnight and take a breezy stroll in the summer air with friends because I know how fun it is, but I also hope that if she's ever in a situation like I was in with my friend, she'll take after my friend and not me.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
A Lesson in Self-Control
Some people's parenting.... Some woman punished her daughter by sending her to school wearing ugly clothes. Read about it here. The jist of the story is that the daughter had been making fun of another girl's outfits at school. She told her that her shorts and tank top made her look sleazy and was teasing her about it for almost a month. The school deemed this behavior to be bullying and told the parents about it.
The step-mom didn't think grounding her judgmental daughter was enough since the daughter stood by her convictions that the classmate was dressed in poor taste and deserved to know about it. The step-mom decided to bring her to the thrift store and bought a few of the outfits that her daughter deemed ugly.
Then she made the daughter wear these outfits to school. Then she took pictures of her daughter wearing these outfits and posted them on Facebook.
The girl was so embarrassed and was obviously teased like crazy by her classmates. She felt so bad, she apologized to the girl she was bullying and thanked her mom for teaching her such a valuable lesson.
Barf.
Are you fucking kidding me? This is a much better punishment than making your kid hold a grammatically incorrect sign on the side of the road for a few hours, but it's still a terrible punishment and I don't think it really fits the crime.
When you get down to it, the daughter's crime was her lack of self-control. She opened her big, fat mouth and made hurtful comments to another person's face. If she had self-control, she would have kept her hurtful comments to herself, or maybe shared them with a friend when they had a moment of privacy so they could giggle and gossip out of earshot.
She is entitled to think that the girl's wardrobe is sleazy. She is not entitled to tell her that. That is the lesson she needs to learn.
Dressing her up in hideous clothing and sending her out into the world isn't a punishment and doesn't teach her self-control. Maybe she'll stop bullying that girl forever, maybe she'll finally realize what it feels like to be on the receiving end of teasing, but she wasn't being teased for being herself. She was being teased for wearing a costume to school which is totally out of the ordinary and a one-time deal. It's not an organic life-lesson.
What would I do if it was Tesla? I would probably give her a normal punishment like taking some privileges away and we would definitely talk about what it means to be tactful. I wouldn't force her to apologize, but I would request she do it. I would never publicly shame her by sending her to school in a ridiculous get-up and taking pictures to post online and blackmail her with later. People are sick.
The step-mom didn't think grounding her judgmental daughter was enough since the daughter stood by her convictions that the classmate was dressed in poor taste and deserved to know about it. The step-mom decided to bring her to the thrift store and bought a few of the outfits that her daughter deemed ugly.
Then she made the daughter wear these outfits to school. Then she took pictures of her daughter wearing these outfits and posted them on Facebook.
The girl was so embarrassed and was obviously teased like crazy by her classmates. She felt so bad, she apologized to the girl she was bullying and thanked her mom for teaching her such a valuable lesson.
Barf.
Are you fucking kidding me? This is a much better punishment than making your kid hold a grammatically incorrect sign on the side of the road for a few hours, but it's still a terrible punishment and I don't think it really fits the crime.
When you get down to it, the daughter's crime was her lack of self-control. She opened her big, fat mouth and made hurtful comments to another person's face. If she had self-control, she would have kept her hurtful comments to herself, or maybe shared them with a friend when they had a moment of privacy so they could giggle and gossip out of earshot.
She is entitled to think that the girl's wardrobe is sleazy. She is not entitled to tell her that. That is the lesson she needs to learn.
Dressing her up in hideous clothing and sending her out into the world isn't a punishment and doesn't teach her self-control. Maybe she'll stop bullying that girl forever, maybe she'll finally realize what it feels like to be on the receiving end of teasing, but she wasn't being teased for being herself. She was being teased for wearing a costume to school which is totally out of the ordinary and a one-time deal. It's not an organic life-lesson.
What would I do if it was Tesla? I would probably give her a normal punishment like taking some privileges away and we would definitely talk about what it means to be tactful. I wouldn't force her to apologize, but I would request she do it. I would never publicly shame her by sending her to school in a ridiculous get-up and taking pictures to post online and blackmail her with later. People are sick.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Lay Off Barbie Already!
Barbie dolls are always getting shit on. People just love to make "real" versions of her and compare her to normal women like this site about eating disorders. Apparently playing with Barbies makes young girls feel bad about their body image. Apparently they've done studies and tests and Barbies are controlling the minds of tweens and younger!
Growing up, I loved playing with Barbies. I had many, many Barbie dolls and lots and lots of clothes. My friends and I had so much fun and would play for hours. Not once did Barbie make me want to diet. Not once did Barbie make me think I was fat. She was just a toy that I played with. Look at some of the other dolls out there today compared to Barbie.
They all look deformed. At the top we have World Barbies and then at the far right, a more traditional looking Barbie. At the bottom we have Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls. At least Barbie has a friendly face and doesn't look like she's got an attitude problem.
Cabbage Patch kids don't look like real kids. Not all of the Disney princesses are realistic looking either. Lalaloopsy dolls are pretty freaky looking. Polly Pocket looks kind of normal, but the eyes, head, and feet look a little too big compared to the body.
The only realistic dolls I could find were ones of babies. Unrealistic looking toys are what children play with. Remember all that fake, plastic food we used to pretend to cook and eat? It hasn't gotten any more realistic looking. Maybe kids would eat more vegetables if they had realistic fake salad to play with?
Barbie isn't the problem. Barbie isn't turning our little girls into anorexics. It starts with moms and dads. Moms and dads should promote a healthy lifestyle in front of their kids and exhibit healthy eating and exercise habits. They should also watch what they say around their kids regarding dieting and poor body image. I hate it when Bob comments on other people's weight or appearance on TV. I don't want Tesla to grow up hearing that message from her parents. She doesn't know he's making a (rude) joke or being sarcastic.
Children hear things and internalize it without fully knowing what it means at the time. I was babysitting a girl, about 10, one summer and the song Short Skirt Long Jacket by Cake was really popular. She was watching the music video and she said to me, Hey I should be taking notes. She wasn't kidding. I was in high school at the time and didn't think to explain to her that one song does not define what every man on the planet thinks is sexy and shouldn't define how she feels about herself. Christ, I was still trying to figure that out for myself!
But I think kids with high self-esteem are going to be less affected by pop songs and sexualized dolls and whatever else demonic that's out there because they like who they are. One of the many jobs of parents is to help their kids feel confident and good about themselves and promote good health.
I like what Barbie promotes. She doesn't wear heavy make-up. She's well traveled and very adventurous. She loves girly things like clothes and hair, but she also very athletic and plays a wide range of sports. She's a professional, dabbling in medicine, teaching, and cooking. She loves animals. On top of it all, she happens to be thin and has ties to royalty.
The Bratz dolls "have a passion for fashion" and the Monster High dolls are freaky looking high school students that are actually monsters and live among humans? I know a 7 year old that plays with these dolls. That seems way more inappropriate than Barbie in my opinion.
If a little girl doesn't want to become Barbie, she'll probably wish she was a Bratz doll, or a Monster High doll, or a Polly Pocket, or a Strawberry Shortcake, or a princess, or a fairy, or a mermaid, or a witch at Hogwarts... I remember wishing and wishing that I could grow up and be a boy. I wanted to look like a boy and I wished for boy parts. I'm not sure what got fucked up in my childhood to make me think that way, but it worked itself out by puberty. Today I am proud to be a woman and I don't dream of having a sex change and my body image is totally normal. No eating disorders or cross dressing for me!
A boy at my daycare wants to be like The Hulk. Oh no! What if he grows up wanting to be a body builder?! How will he feel when he realizes it's unlikely he'll ever be that muscular and tall and green? What if he takes steroids to achieve his desired results? Ban all Superhero toys! Our boys' body images are at stake!
So stupid right?
Growing up, I loved playing with Barbies. I had many, many Barbie dolls and lots and lots of clothes. My friends and I had so much fun and would play for hours. Not once did Barbie make me want to diet. Not once did Barbie make me think I was fat. She was just a toy that I played with. Look at some of the other dolls out there today compared to Barbie.
 |
| Barbie, Bratz, and Monster High |
They all look deformed. At the top we have World Barbies and then at the far right, a more traditional looking Barbie. At the bottom we have Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls. At least Barbie has a friendly face and doesn't look like she's got an attitude problem.
Cabbage Patch kids don't look like real kids. Not all of the Disney princesses are realistic looking either. Lalaloopsy dolls are pretty freaky looking. Polly Pocket looks kind of normal, but the eyes, head, and feet look a little too big compared to the body.
 |
| Lalaloopsy Dolls |
The only realistic dolls I could find were ones of babies. Unrealistic looking toys are what children play with. Remember all that fake, plastic food we used to pretend to cook and eat? It hasn't gotten any more realistic looking. Maybe kids would eat more vegetables if they had realistic fake salad to play with?
Barbie isn't the problem. Barbie isn't turning our little girls into anorexics. It starts with moms and dads. Moms and dads should promote a healthy lifestyle in front of their kids and exhibit healthy eating and exercise habits. They should also watch what they say around their kids regarding dieting and poor body image. I hate it when Bob comments on other people's weight or appearance on TV. I don't want Tesla to grow up hearing that message from her parents. She doesn't know he's making a (rude) joke or being sarcastic.
Children hear things and internalize it without fully knowing what it means at the time. I was babysitting a girl, about 10, one summer and the song Short Skirt Long Jacket by Cake was really popular. She was watching the music video and she said to me, Hey I should be taking notes. She wasn't kidding. I was in high school at the time and didn't think to explain to her that one song does not define what every man on the planet thinks is sexy and shouldn't define how she feels about herself. Christ, I was still trying to figure that out for myself!
But I think kids with high self-esteem are going to be less affected by pop songs and sexualized dolls and whatever else demonic that's out there because they like who they are. One of the many jobs of parents is to help their kids feel confident and good about themselves and promote good health.
I like what Barbie promotes. She doesn't wear heavy make-up. She's well traveled and very adventurous. She loves girly things like clothes and hair, but she also very athletic and plays a wide range of sports. She's a professional, dabbling in medicine, teaching, and cooking. She loves animals. On top of it all, she happens to be thin and has ties to royalty.
The Bratz dolls "have a passion for fashion" and the Monster High dolls are freaky looking high school students that are actually monsters and live among humans? I know a 7 year old that plays with these dolls. That seems way more inappropriate than Barbie in my opinion.
If a little girl doesn't want to become Barbie, she'll probably wish she was a Bratz doll, or a Monster High doll, or a Polly Pocket, or a Strawberry Shortcake, or a princess, or a fairy, or a mermaid, or a witch at Hogwarts... I remember wishing and wishing that I could grow up and be a boy. I wanted to look like a boy and I wished for boy parts. I'm not sure what got fucked up in my childhood to make me think that way, but it worked itself out by puberty. Today I am proud to be a woman and I don't dream of having a sex change and my body image is totally normal. No eating disorders or cross dressing for me!
A boy at my daycare wants to be like The Hulk. Oh no! What if he grows up wanting to be a body builder?! How will he feel when he realizes it's unlikely he'll ever be that muscular and tall and green? What if he takes steroids to achieve his desired results? Ban all Superhero toys! Our boys' body images are at stake!
So stupid right?
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Jonathan Hobin: In The Playroom
I love my Yahoo! articles and this one I read this morning was really interesting. Jonathan Hobin is a photographer from Ottawa and he did a series of photos where children reenacted various shocking news headlines. Here's a video to watch.
I thought the collection was really good, and if you go to his website you can see the whole collection titled In The Playroom.
Something that really stuck with me from his interview was when he said that children learn through play and they learn to process things by reenacting them. It's so true. When you watch a child play house, a girl pretending to be a mom doesn't act like a stereotypical mom, she acts like her mom because she doesn't know anything else.
When I think about the world today, I think this is the new normal. Bombings, random public shoot-outs, threat of war... it's really the new normal. Hobin says that children might be better equipped to survive the emotional side of what's happening at this age then we are as adults. They don't know any other world. It's a scary time we live in, but the world has always been scary, just for different reasons. Every generation thinks the next generation has it worse off.
I think Hobin's photographs are funny, yet they give me chills. The pictures are so detailed, I just have to laugh out loud, and the look on all the children's faces is super eerie. Why not play 9/11? Why not play a nice game of make believe cult? Kids already play fantasy war games and superhero games, and those are just as violent and scary as the news headlines depicted in Hobin's work.
The content of the Saturday morning cartoons have come a long way, (ACME anvils anyone? - Another post on that later) but try as we might, children are still exposed to the real horrors of the world and we can't shield them from everything. Nor should we. I'll admit, it would be weird if I saw some kids reenacting The Boston Marathon bombing while playing at the park, but that shouldn't stop us from explaining the news to our kids in a way that will enlighten them.
I thought the collection was really good, and if you go to his website you can see the whole collection titled In The Playroom.
Something that really stuck with me from his interview was when he said that children learn through play and they learn to process things by reenacting them. It's so true. When you watch a child play house, a girl pretending to be a mom doesn't act like a stereotypical mom, she acts like her mom because she doesn't know anything else.
When I think about the world today, I think this is the new normal. Bombings, random public shoot-outs, threat of war... it's really the new normal. Hobin says that children might be better equipped to survive the emotional side of what's happening at this age then we are as adults. They don't know any other world. It's a scary time we live in, but the world has always been scary, just for different reasons. Every generation thinks the next generation has it worse off.
I think Hobin's photographs are funny, yet they give me chills. The pictures are so detailed, I just have to laugh out loud, and the look on all the children's faces is super eerie. Why not play 9/11? Why not play a nice game of make believe cult? Kids already play fantasy war games and superhero games, and those are just as violent and scary as the news headlines depicted in Hobin's work.
The content of the Saturday morning cartoons have come a long way, (ACME anvils anyone? - Another post on that later) but try as we might, children are still exposed to the real horrors of the world and we can't shield them from everything. Nor should we. I'll admit, it would be weird if I saw some kids reenacting The Boston Marathon bombing while playing at the park, but that shouldn't stop us from explaining the news to our kids in a way that will enlighten them.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Running Errands
Bob and I ran a few errands yesterday. We entered IKEA for the first time to spend a gift card I received at Christmas. That place is set up like an airport. We got some shelves to hold my daycare stuff on, as well as a wooden train tracks set with magnetic trains and one of those roll up mats to drive mini cars on. IKEA is totally obnoxious and I will not be going back any time soon. It was difficult to navigate and it felt like we were walking forever.
After we got out we went and ordered my birthday cake from Baked Expectations. It's a Lemon Chiffon cake oh la la!
Then we went to Perkins to eat. We didn't have Tesla's travel high chair with us so we had to use one of Perkins' booster seats. Surprisingly, Tesla sat very well despite the chair having little back support and no safety straps. She did cute things like try to eat the table and read the menu upside down. We don't go out to eat in a restaurant often, but the waitress remembered our baby from the last time we were there lol and we overheard her tell someone she thought our baby was the cutest thing ever. Yay genetics!
At one point near the end of our stay, I was holding her steady while she sat on the edge of the table facing me. It all happened so fast, so I can't speak to exactly how it all went down, but essentially Tesla took a nose dive right into the booth and hit her head on the booster seat.
She screamed her head off like I have never heard her scream before. I said, Oh shit, and I quickly scooped her up and tried to comfort her, but I was killing myself laughing. It was so funny. There wasn't many people around us, so I don't think anyone really saw what happened, but Bob just hung his head and shook it as if to say he disapproved of me as mother in that moment and sort of tried not to laugh.
I reassured Tesla I was sorry and I wasn't trying to kill her. We're cool now.
Finally we stopped off at Canadian Tire where I bought a couple bins with lids to store daycare stuff in. The person ahead of me at the self check out left his 5 cents Canadian Tire money and I got to keep it. Sweet!
Bob put up the shelves and I filled them up. They look fantastic. I actually wouldn't mind getting some more but it's hard to say where I'd put them.
It was a good day running errands and the weather was nice. I look forward to our next outing.
After we got out we went and ordered my birthday cake from Baked Expectations. It's a Lemon Chiffon cake oh la la!
Then we went to Perkins to eat. We didn't have Tesla's travel high chair with us so we had to use one of Perkins' booster seats. Surprisingly, Tesla sat very well despite the chair having little back support and no safety straps. She did cute things like try to eat the table and read the menu upside down. We don't go out to eat in a restaurant often, but the waitress remembered our baby from the last time we were there lol and we overheard her tell someone she thought our baby was the cutest thing ever. Yay genetics!
At one point near the end of our stay, I was holding her steady while she sat on the edge of the table facing me. It all happened so fast, so I can't speak to exactly how it all went down, but essentially Tesla took a nose dive right into the booth and hit her head on the booster seat.
She screamed her head off like I have never heard her scream before. I said, Oh shit, and I quickly scooped her up and tried to comfort her, but I was killing myself laughing. It was so funny. There wasn't many people around us, so I don't think anyone really saw what happened, but Bob just hung his head and shook it as if to say he disapproved of me as mother in that moment and sort of tried not to laugh.
I reassured Tesla I was sorry and I wasn't trying to kill her. We're cool now.
Finally we stopped off at Canadian Tire where I bought a couple bins with lids to store daycare stuff in. The person ahead of me at the self check out left his 5 cents Canadian Tire money and I got to keep it. Sweet!
Bob put up the shelves and I filled them up. They look fantastic. I actually wouldn't mind getting some more but it's hard to say where I'd put them.
It was a good day running errands and the weather was nice. I look forward to our next outing.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Mother Who Regretted Having Kids
Maybe it's because I'm off living in Ma-Ma Land, but I keep seeing references to this article a woman wrote about how she regrets having children and how they're the biggest mistake of her life. You can read the original article by Isabella Dutton here at the Mail Online.
Obviously making such a bold statement is going to draw a crowd and evoke some powerful emotions, so here's my two cents.
To fully understand, you need to read Dutton's article, so just go and do that now if you haven't click on the link already. Some people are calling her selfish and some people are calling her brave. I think Dutton is neither, (though it does take guts to publish an article like that!)
After reading the article I thought, here is a woman who has never stood up for herself. Here is a woman who has never followed her dreams and who has never done anything in her life to make herself happy. For some reason this woman felt the need to sacrifice her life for other people's lives and now 3 decades later she's finally speaking up. Too little too late lady.
You can't devote your life to your family and then at the end complain about how you never got to do the things you always wanted to do. You can't complain about how other people influenced your life choices so much so that you felt you had no choices. The only person holding a gun to Isabella Dutton's head was Dutton herself.
I love children and I love my daughter. She brings me joy and spending time with her is fun for me. My daycare kids are my other little side family. They make me laugh and taking care of them is a labor of love as well. Kids are also frustratingly, obnoxious bugs who drive me barking mad and make me want to squish them, but I do love them and I'm glad they're here on Earth. I would never trade them in for a quiet day at the seaside, or a peaceful stroll through a park.
Children are not for everyone. I deeply respect people who say they don't want children and follow through with it because they are making the best choice for them and the world. To say you don't want children and then marry a man who does and give him children to make him happy is outrageous! Don't marry someone who has different life goals from you!
Dutton's life was compromised, not by her children, but by her own decisions. She has every right to talk about it, write about it, and share her story so maybe some other self-pitying woman doesn't make the same mistakes as her, but at what cost to her children? They are people with feelings and a life to lead too. Though I'm sure it's never been a secret how Dutton truly feels about her children. She claims they never noticed her coolness toward them, but children are like spiders and definitely noticed over the years due to their child-like spidey-senses.
Even in her golden years, Dutton cares for her adult daughter with MS. This lady can't catch a break and she still isn't doing anything to empower herself. I'm so glad I'm opinionated and headstrong and determined to create my own destiny. When I encounter problems in my life I seek ways to solve or eliminate those problems instead of finding ways to work around them. There's a time to fight and a time to bow down. When making a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life you need to fight for what you believe in. Your best advocate is yourself.
Obviously making such a bold statement is going to draw a crowd and evoke some powerful emotions, so here's my two cents.
To fully understand, you need to read Dutton's article, so just go and do that now if you haven't click on the link already. Some people are calling her selfish and some people are calling her brave. I think Dutton is neither, (though it does take guts to publish an article like that!)
After reading the article I thought, here is a woman who has never stood up for herself. Here is a woman who has never followed her dreams and who has never done anything in her life to make herself happy. For some reason this woman felt the need to sacrifice her life for other people's lives and now 3 decades later she's finally speaking up. Too little too late lady.
You can't devote your life to your family and then at the end complain about how you never got to do the things you always wanted to do. You can't complain about how other people influenced your life choices so much so that you felt you had no choices. The only person holding a gun to Isabella Dutton's head was Dutton herself.
I love children and I love my daughter. She brings me joy and spending time with her is fun for me. My daycare kids are my other little side family. They make me laugh and taking care of them is a labor of love as well. Kids are also frustratingly, obnoxious bugs who drive me barking mad and make me want to squish them, but I do love them and I'm glad they're here on Earth. I would never trade them in for a quiet day at the seaside, or a peaceful stroll through a park.
Children are not for everyone. I deeply respect people who say they don't want children and follow through with it because they are making the best choice for them and the world. To say you don't want children and then marry a man who does and give him children to make him happy is outrageous! Don't marry someone who has different life goals from you!
Dutton's life was compromised, not by her children, but by her own decisions. She has every right to talk about it, write about it, and share her story so maybe some other self-pitying woman doesn't make the same mistakes as her, but at what cost to her children? They are people with feelings and a life to lead too. Though I'm sure it's never been a secret how Dutton truly feels about her children. She claims they never noticed her coolness toward them, but children are like spiders and definitely noticed over the years due to their child-like spidey-senses.
Even in her golden years, Dutton cares for her adult daughter with MS. This lady can't catch a break and she still isn't doing anything to empower herself. I'm so glad I'm opinionated and headstrong and determined to create my own destiny. When I encounter problems in my life I seek ways to solve or eliminate those problems instead of finding ways to work around them. There's a time to fight and a time to bow down. When making a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life you need to fight for what you believe in. Your best advocate is yourself.
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Crying Like A Baby
There are many reasons why children cry. Excluding injuries, I think hunger, exhaustion, and frustration rank at the top. Then there's all those other times where tears seem illogical or exaggerated based on the situation, yet there they are.
I was reading this article about how society deals with children who cry. The general consensus is that crying is bad and if it can't be avoided, we should do what we can to make it stop as soon as possible. This is not a healthy way to deal with the issue of crying though.
When a toddler is crying and yelling mine because his little cousin who came over for a visit starts playing with his toys, the mother's first response is usually to scold, encourage her son to share, and then distract with some other toy. This is a "wrong" response because the boy is being encouraged to bottle up his feelings and he's also being told his feelings don't matter.
Instead, the mother should vocalize her son's feelings for him. You are upset because Billy is playing with your toys. You do not like to share your toys. This validates what the boy is feeling and gives words to his feelings. It may not make him stop crying faster and he still has to share, but it's okay to cry. Someone's touching his stuff and that's stressful. I absolutely hate it when people touch my stuff without asking, so I can see where this little boy's coming from.
A little girl starts crying because her mom is leaving for work. The father's first response is to make it seem like it's not a big deal and may say things like, Oh don't worry, Mommy will be back later. And then offer a distraction like a special treat or her favourite toy. This is a "wrong" response too. The father is trivializing his daughter's feelings.
Instead, the father should vocalize her feelings for her. You are sad because Mommy is leaving and you are going to miss her when she's gone. Again, this just puts into words what she's thinking and validates what she's feeling. It's okay to miss a person when they leave and it's not silly at all.
Personally speaking, I've missed a person so much I've cried and if someone had said to me, It's okay Chelsea, you'll see them again soon, I probably would have dropped an F-bomb because we both know that's not the point. Children also know that's not the point.
We can all agree it's okay to cry and it's a perfectly healthy way to express yourself, yet we're always trying to get kids to stop crying when really, they probably should just cry and release those endorphines. As adults, we can control our emotions much easier than children, (usually.) We fight back tears so we can cry in private, embarrassed to let others see us in such a state because then we'd feel stupid. That's what we were taught to do. If our generation of parents had vocalized our feelings for us instead of trying to shut us up all the time, I bet we'd all be more open with our emotions today.
It's hard to change the way you think and speak, but I really liked that article and I want to adopt this sort of speech to replace the things I currently say to my daughter and the daycare kids when they cry.
I was reading this article about how society deals with children who cry. The general consensus is that crying is bad and if it can't be avoided, we should do what we can to make it stop as soon as possible. This is not a healthy way to deal with the issue of crying though.
When a toddler is crying and yelling mine because his little cousin who came over for a visit starts playing with his toys, the mother's first response is usually to scold, encourage her son to share, and then distract with some other toy. This is a "wrong" response because the boy is being encouraged to bottle up his feelings and he's also being told his feelings don't matter.
Instead, the mother should vocalize her son's feelings for him. You are upset because Billy is playing with your toys. You do not like to share your toys. This validates what the boy is feeling and gives words to his feelings. It may not make him stop crying faster and he still has to share, but it's okay to cry. Someone's touching his stuff and that's stressful. I absolutely hate it when people touch my stuff without asking, so I can see where this little boy's coming from.
A little girl starts crying because her mom is leaving for work. The father's first response is to make it seem like it's not a big deal and may say things like, Oh don't worry, Mommy will be back later. And then offer a distraction like a special treat or her favourite toy. This is a "wrong" response too. The father is trivializing his daughter's feelings.
Instead, the father should vocalize her feelings for her. You are sad because Mommy is leaving and you are going to miss her when she's gone. Again, this just puts into words what she's thinking and validates what she's feeling. It's okay to miss a person when they leave and it's not silly at all.
Personally speaking, I've missed a person so much I've cried and if someone had said to me, It's okay Chelsea, you'll see them again soon, I probably would have dropped an F-bomb because we both know that's not the point. Children also know that's not the point.
We can all agree it's okay to cry and it's a perfectly healthy way to express yourself, yet we're always trying to get kids to stop crying when really, they probably should just cry and release those endorphines. As adults, we can control our emotions much easier than children, (usually.) We fight back tears so we can cry in private, embarrassed to let others see us in such a state because then we'd feel stupid. That's what we were taught to do. If our generation of parents had vocalized our feelings for us instead of trying to shut us up all the time, I bet we'd all be more open with our emotions today.
It's hard to change the way you think and speak, but I really liked that article and I want to adopt this sort of speech to replace the things I currently say to my daughter and the daycare kids when they cry.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Milestones
I hate researching milestones because it makes me depressed and anxious about my baby if she isn't meeting them, plus I also feel really pressured to "help" her meet all these milestones. She is almost 32 weeks old ie 7 months old and I decided to look up where she should be at because I haven't done it in a couple months.
Of all the great things she's accomplished in her short life, it's never enough is it?
Alright, that's probably a bit excessive. All babies develop at their own pace and these are just guidelines blah blah bah. Still... it does make me feel guilty because I am a stay at home mom and I should be dedicating my whole day to my baby, spending every waking second with her, playing educational games and encouraging her brain development through a variety of stimulating activities. That's what all stay at home moms do right? (lol)
Running the daycare does take time away from Tesla. I have to play with everybody and because Tesla is such a content and quiet baby, it's easy to pass over her and focus on the kid screaming PAY WIT MEE! PAY WIT MEE!
But today I took a stand in an effort to spend more time with my daughter and really focus on getting that crawling and babbling thing going. Mornings are now dedicated to playing with only Tesla. The daycare kids can amuse themselves or play with Tesla too. It's only for 90 minutes. When she goes down for her morning nap I'll focus on the other kids.
I know there's nothing wrong with Tesla, like, she's not autistic or anything. And she was premature, if that still counts for anything. Some kids just never crawl. As far as the babbling goes - she's always been a quiet baby, hardly crying or making any noises really. She has gone ba-ba-ba on occasion, but perhaps the lack of babbling is an extension of that.
Of all the great things she's accomplished in her short life, it's never enough is it?
- She can feed herself real food. She swallows it.
- She's been putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night for 4 months now.
- She can roll all over the place and rolls over to things she wants.
- She also reaches for things she wants.
- She can follow sound, movement, and turns when you say her name.
- She loves jumping.
- She loves being read to and sung to, and Bob and I do it several times daily.
- She can sit unassisted for less than a minute, longer if there's a toy in front of her to lean on.
- She can squeal, laugh, blow raspberries, and roll her R's.
Alright, that's probably a bit excessive. All babies develop at their own pace and these are just guidelines blah blah bah. Still... it does make me feel guilty because I am a stay at home mom and I should be dedicating my whole day to my baby, spending every waking second with her, playing educational games and encouraging her brain development through a variety of stimulating activities. That's what all stay at home moms do right? (lol)
Running the daycare does take time away from Tesla. I have to play with everybody and because Tesla is such a content and quiet baby, it's easy to pass over her and focus on the kid screaming PAY WIT MEE! PAY WIT MEE!
But today I took a stand in an effort to spend more time with my daughter and really focus on getting that crawling and babbling thing going. Mornings are now dedicated to playing with only Tesla. The daycare kids can amuse themselves or play with Tesla too. It's only for 90 minutes. When she goes down for her morning nap I'll focus on the other kids.
I know there's nothing wrong with Tesla, like, she's not autistic or anything. And she was premature, if that still counts for anything. Some kids just never crawl. As far as the babbling goes - she's always been a quiet baby, hardly crying or making any noises really. She has gone ba-ba-ba on occasion, but perhaps the lack of babbling is an extension of that.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
My Husband, Lightening
The new boy started daycare with me yesterday. He's 4 going on 14 and very fun to play with. He has a lot to say and has no filter. For instance, when I told him Bob was my boyfriend he scoffed and said that Bob is a boring name and he is changing it to Lightening and I can only call him Lightening from now on.
Then, by freak chance,Bob I mean, Lightening stayed home from work today so he could take Tesla to her 6 month doctor appointment. This kid would not leave him alone. He followed Lightening all over the house, asking him to help him with stuff, play with him, he made crafts for him. I suggested Lightening take him out to play in the snow and this little boy died and went to heaven, he was so happy. I stood on the balcony and they threw snowballs at me. Later, they watched TV together and he was all curled up beside him, snuggling nice and close.
Of course Lightening played along all day. It was so cute! He's like the son we never had.
When Lightening had to leave to take Tesla to the doctor, the little boy was very upset and asked if I could take Tesla instead so they could play more. He told me Lightening was more fun to play with than me and kept asking when my husband would be back. Aw.
Finally I got his mind off of it and got some good play time in. We went outside to meet his mom at the bus stop and I threw snowballs at my balcony. The boy said I was better at throwing snowballs than Lightening was. Ha! Redemption. It felt good to hear that after listening about how Lightening trumps me in every possible way all freaking day.
Unless Lightening changes jobs, today will probably be the one and only day that boy will every spend with him. It's too bad, too. Lightening would be a really great male role-model in his life. Now, for the rest of the week and probably well into next month, all I'm going to hear about is my husband, Lightening.
Then, by freak chance,
Of course Lightening played along all day. It was so cute! He's like the son we never had.
When Lightening had to leave to take Tesla to the doctor, the little boy was very upset and asked if I could take Tesla instead so they could play more. He told me Lightening was more fun to play with than me and kept asking when my husband would be back. Aw.
Finally I got his mind off of it and got some good play time in. We went outside to meet his mom at the bus stop and I threw snowballs at my balcony. The boy said I was better at throwing snowballs than Lightening was. Ha! Redemption. It felt good to hear that after listening about how Lightening trumps me in every possible way all freaking day.
Unless Lightening changes jobs, today will probably be the one and only day that boy will every spend with him. It's too bad, too. Lightening would be a really great male role-model in his life. Now, for the rest of the week and probably well into next month, all I'm going to hear about is my husband, Lightening.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Public Shamings
It's really popular these days for parents to punish their children via public shamings. I've read tons of articles about parents who "didn't know what else to do," and thought making their child hold a sign on the side of the road intended to humiliate them straight would be the best plan of action. Or even hacking their Facebook account and posting a shaming status update.
I want to know who the first parent to do this was. Way to be a trendsetter for something really stupid! When I drive by your kid holding a sign saying that he steals or the she broke curfew, how am I supposed to react? Am I supposed to play along with your punishment and heckle your child or something? Do you want complete strangers yelling out to your kids, calling them good for nothing losers and laughing from the comfort of their cars?
Could our society be any more crude? Why don't we lock up our children in the stocks in front of he mayor's office and throw rotting tomatoes at them? Is that public shaming enough for you, or is that going to far? To be honest, I don't give a damn what the hell your kid did to warrant a public shaming because I have my own family to deal with.
It's true that young people can be very defiant and rebellious, breaking all the rules, and sticking it to the man, but there is always a better punishment you can give that is not corporal and is not self-depreciating. I used to watch this show called World's Strictest Parents where a family would foster 2 out of control teens for 2 weeks and try to get them to change their ways.
The one I liked the best was stripping the bedroom to one mattress and one sheet. Literally, everything else was removed. The parents picked out a change of clothes in the morning to give the teen and as the day progressed, if the teen was listening and obeying, slowly but surely he started earning the contents of his room back, one item at a time. Sometimes it took the full 2 weeks to get the whole room back.
Another good punishment was manual labor. Yard work, farm work, house work, and volunteering were all ways the teens got punished. The faster you got your work done, the sooner you could come inside and eat dinner.
These punishments teach responsibility, accountability, and are very humbling. It teaches a child that if you do something wrong, you can make it up and earn back trust and respect. Public shaming teaches a child that it's okay to humiliate someone if you think they deserve it and to feel about yourself versus feel bad about what you did.
Personally, I'd rather teach my daughter more positive lessons than negative ones as she grows up.
And if I ever get to witness first hand a parent publicly shaming his or her kid on the street corner, I'm going to heckle the parent, not the kid.
I want to know who the first parent to do this was. Way to be a trendsetter for something really stupid! When I drive by your kid holding a sign saying that he steals or the she broke curfew, how am I supposed to react? Am I supposed to play along with your punishment and heckle your child or something? Do you want complete strangers yelling out to your kids, calling them good for nothing losers and laughing from the comfort of their cars?
Could our society be any more crude? Why don't we lock up our children in the stocks in front of he mayor's office and throw rotting tomatoes at them? Is that public shaming enough for you, or is that going to far? To be honest, I don't give a damn what the hell your kid did to warrant a public shaming because I have my own family to deal with.
It's true that young people can be very defiant and rebellious, breaking all the rules, and sticking it to the man, but there is always a better punishment you can give that is not corporal and is not self-depreciating. I used to watch this show called World's Strictest Parents where a family would foster 2 out of control teens for 2 weeks and try to get them to change their ways.
The one I liked the best was stripping the bedroom to one mattress and one sheet. Literally, everything else was removed. The parents picked out a change of clothes in the morning to give the teen and as the day progressed, if the teen was listening and obeying, slowly but surely he started earning the contents of his room back, one item at a time. Sometimes it took the full 2 weeks to get the whole room back.
Another good punishment was manual labor. Yard work, farm work, house work, and volunteering were all ways the teens got punished. The faster you got your work done, the sooner you could come inside and eat dinner.
These punishments teach responsibility, accountability, and are very humbling. It teaches a child that if you do something wrong, you can make it up and earn back trust and respect. Public shaming teaches a child that it's okay to humiliate someone if you think they deserve it and to feel about yourself versus feel bad about what you did.
Personally, I'd rather teach my daughter more positive lessons than negative ones as she grows up.
And if I ever get to witness first hand a parent publicly shaming his or her kid on the street corner, I'm going to heckle the parent, not the kid.
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